tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24342020528210386422024-03-14T04:41:35.197-07:00A different perspectiveMelissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-19135562283822335702023-10-05T23:55:00.004-07:002023-10-06T02:15:00.286-07:00Red Wine Letters<p> Hey dad,</p><p>I miss you. I miss our jokes, our deep heart to hearts about life. I miss the way you always saw the best in people. Even Aunt Brenda. I miss the part of me that you brought out. The part of me who believed I could do and be anything I wanted. You left for work on the road and so did your light. That's when the demons came. </p><p><br /></p><p>And I was left to survive in the shadows as only I knew how. People still underestimate me today you know. I appear sweet and innocent on the outside. And maybe that's the part you illuminated in me. But you're not here anymore and I haven't known the light in quite some time. I'm sorry to say the dark and I have become as intimate as lovers desperately clinging to one another at the prostpect of the whole world ending. And being intimate with the dark is still better than facing the end alone. </p><p><br /></p><p>I have this desk now. In hopes I will be motivated enough to finally find the freedom that telling my story is supposed to bring. But I just feel grief at the moment. So much goddamn grief. The last time I had a desk, I was confined to my room to study while I listened to the laughter of everyone else in the living room bonding as a family. A constant reminder of how much I didn't belong. I was and will always be an outsider. And I think you felt the same way. Which is why you spent so much time away from home. </p><p><br /></p><p>I realize what a big deal this new desk is now. I have someone who believes in me the way you always did. He bought this desk for me and I put it together all on my own. I choose the memories from here. This is my chance to make things new.</p><p>To change things for younger Melissa. </p><p>Abandoned Melissa. </p><p>She is seen now. </p><p>She is so fully loved and accepted. </p><p>Today is a new beginnning for her. I embrace her uniqueness. Her ability to feel into everyone and every situation so deeply and to respond with unconditional love and authenticity.</p><p>She is safe now to express herself. To love and BE LOVED! She is as worthy now as she has always been. Only now we recognize her and see her in all of her brokenness. We accept her as a whole human. Beautiful and worthy here and now. Simply because she has breath in her lungs and a heart that beats steady and strong despite the many times it has been broken. </p><p><br /></p><p>I see her daddy. </p><p>I see her as you have always seen and loved her. </p><p>I pray you are always with us. </p><p><br /></p><p>Your little girl forever,</p><p>Moe</p>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-89909722834905840692017-11-17T10:29:00.000-08:002018-01-22T12:28:32.127-08:00Amazing Grace how sweet the sound.Dear God,<br />
<br />
I know it's been a while since I've written. I've been enjoying conversing with you with my very heartbeat every day. It tells you things my mouth could never utter. It's been growing rapidly. Gaining wisdom with every devastating betrayal and every chasm of echoing pain caused by those I've done nothing to. I simply cannot comprehend the why's of it all, so I do the only thing I know how to do and I pray it is enough. I respond with love. For there is no use in asking why or dwelling in the depths of betrayal. You hold all of my tomorrow's and the answer is always you God. Jesus was love, your love, in human form. You sacrificed him for me. Love is the ultimate sacrifice, as Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. Love unconditional. Thank you for this journey Father. A hard one indeed, but the most rewarding one yet. Amen.<br />
<br />
You see it hasn't always been this way for me. The following dialogue has been my year summed up in a few paragraphs.<br />
<br />
Love unconditional. To say it's easy would be a lie. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Ask me to move mountains God, and I'll toss them into the sea. Ask me to heal the sick Father, and illness they shall know no more. But ask me to love in the face of evil, betrayal, and gut wrenching pain alas my skin grows clammy from fear, my feet move in hesitation. I'm not sure I heard you correctly. Are you certain God? You must be mistaken. I could be wrong, but did you just ask me to love all of these wretched people? They couldn't possibly deserve to possess such a sacred part of me. Where is your wrath for them God? They have made me, your child, weep tears of anguish. Should they not suffer at your hand? The only true hand of justice? How can I possibly love them when my heart is full of pain? Can't you allow me to tend to my own wounds first?<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">GOD: It is not about you child. My love is more powerful than the evil that tries to tear you down. My strength is made perfect in your weakness.</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span>
Yes, Father I will obey.<br />
<br />
In time, as I began to love those that had afflicted me with such sorrow, my own heart began to heal. My feet moved forward with assuredness. My skin felt aglow with life and vigor. My why's became non-existent and turned into, "I see now Father." Not my will, but yours." The more people hurt me, the harder I loved. The harder I loved, the more I could past their malice and into the brokenness. Brokenness just like mine. How alike we all are. They too had the choice in life to choose love or bitterness. They too have sat and wept their why's. I saw it in the way their eyes dared me to prove them right, that I was no different than anyone else that caused them pain. The only difference between them and I was I chose love and freedom and they chose to imprison themselves with the chains of bitterness.<br />
<br />
Bitterness is blinding, and only love can restore sight. This much I have learned. If you ask me why I choose to love those we see as undeserving, it's because I've seen it's power, the miracles it performs, the restoration it gives and how it transforms us to our very core. I know because that person used to be me. Always seeking revenge, taking justice into my own hands. Simply because I could not understand the why. I've learned that it's not up to me to understand, it all comes down to obedience. Humble obedience. When God asked me to love, I thought he was going to change those who caused me pain. Instead he ended up changing me. Being on the other side now, I'm glad I stopped asking why and just said Yes, Father I will obey.<br />
<br />
We all have a choice to make when people hurt us. I pray you are wise enough to choose love. It will change your life and transform you.<br />
It gives a whole new meaning to the first few bars of amazing grace.<br />
<br />
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.<br />
I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see."<br />
<br />
I see because love restored my sight. The sight that bitterness stole from me.<br />
I see now God, I see.<br />
<br />
<br />Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-63274470468190362672017-06-30T15:54:00.000-07:002017-06-30T16:00:47.870-07:00Reflections on turning 30Today is the last day in my twenties. And honestly, I'm absolutely ecstatic to turn 30 tomorrow. I had been going back and forth between how I felt about it because I'm not where I thought I would be at 30. But I can definitely see just how far I really have come. (That may or may not be an ironic metaphor to the fact that I literally live an entire continent away now). I wanted to make this blog a good one, one that shows how "wise" I've become and to really justify some of those grey hairs on the top of my head. But in order to do that, I must tell you the driving factor behind my "wisdom" (I put the word wisdom in quotes because I'm only gonna be 30, what in tarnation do I REALLY know about life?)<br />
<br />
Today I'm going to dedicate this blog to you my Beloved. The driving force in everything I do and all that I am. You are the reason I celebrate every day. Here's a few things you've taught me about love and how you've changed my very perspective on life itself.<br />
<br />
You've shown me that life isn't about ME, it's about everyone else around us. Those everyday people that we encounter and interact with, God has them in our lives for a specific reason. And more often than not it's the people that hurt us deeper than our hearts can sometimes bear, that need our love the absolute most.<br />
<span style="color: blue;">-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
You've proven to me that love has the amazing power to heal from the inside out until you can no longer contain the flame and light that has engulfed your heart, so you freely radiate it outward and share it with those whose hearts' flame has long since been distinguished by bitterness, pain, guilt, regret, grief, and anger.<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
When my hair is all wrong and my face is full of face demons, and my thick thighs that finally make me look like a woman instead of a little girl, but all I see is that I can't fit into my jeans as well as I used to; you take all of that and you give me the courage to look at everything I see as a flaw on my body as something beautiful to you instead.<br />
<span style="color: lime;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
You've changed my entire perspective about life, about happiness, about me. I never feel more confident and truly beautiful than when I look at myself through your eyes.<br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
You help me to cherish the little moments. You are the reason behind this blog's name, and the very center of every single entry. You are always a part of my daily thoughts and activities, and I look for those given moments that you plant in my heart to make an impact.<br />
<span style="color: red;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
You never let me leave the house or go about my day without giving me the peace of mind that I am enough. Maybe not to everyone around me, but to you. To say that I am not enough, would be to say you are not enough to fill my heart with enoughness. (don't know if that's a word, but it is today)<br />
<span style="color: blue;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
And if I am anything less than enough in someone's heart, then I must fill the rest of their hearts with the love you've shared with me until LOVE becomes enough...not until I become enough.<br />
<span style="color: red;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
I love that you notice my love for bright colors and when I bought some plain white socks, you told me I had to wear my colorful socks over them because it's not "me" to wear something so void of color.<br />
<span style="color: lime;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
I love that you can look at me and read my thoughts and I can look at you and see the response in your face if I'm thinking anything negative.<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
You really do give the best hugs.<br />
<span style="color: cyan;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
You have the heart of a servant. And it's contagious.<br />
<span style="color: red;">------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ </span> You're grounded and stand firm in who you are at all times. I've never in all of my life, and I mean never, have I met anyone who knew who they were and not betray themselves in the throes of pain and hard times. (you inspire me to grow in this area) People fill their lives with alcohol, the latest trends, social media, affairs, lust, dishonesty, and deceit because they are not firmly planted and their roots are not strong enough to hold them down when storms pass their way.<br />
<span style="color: lime;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
Your faith and relationship with God. You always keep him first in your life and in our relationship. I love seeing your face when God does a big work in your heart or when he reveals tiny tidbits of wisdom to your heart. You've helped me to see God as someone who is truly a friend and not this giant judge sitting in the clouds....you helped me to see it because I see him in you....all the things I listed above about the things you have taught me, they are things that God has been teaching me as well...through you. You've allowed him to use you, and take control of everything in your life. Less of you, more of him. And in turn brought me closer to God.<br />
<span style="color: red;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><span style="color: orange;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><span style="color: yellow;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><span style="color: lime;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><span style="color: cyan;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><span style="color: magenta;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
I've said all of that to say this. I know you've had to watch me struggle internally about turning 30. And thanks to you and all the things above, I'm excited to continue this adventure of love with you. So tomorrow, (Si Dios Quiere) when I wake up, and as I look at my reflection, I'm going to smile and know that I am enough for you, because your love is and always has been enough for me.<br />
<br />
After all, you are my mirror.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta;">P.s. this was NOT posted or shared anywhere for the world to see. So if anyone does get to read it besides you (Jose) then they were meant to find love and I hope they get a small glimpse of why I fall in love with you on a daily basis.</span>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-596598266858581722017-04-21T09:28:00.001-07:002017-04-21T09:35:43.096-07:00The Big Issue<p dir="ltr">Today Jose and I went to Cambridge for a little shopping. Mostly for other people's care packages, but we did splurge a little for some fresh tea and coffee to make at home. As we walked around Cambridge, we noticed more homeless people camped out on the streets than usual. Heartbreaking for sure, but rest in knowing we always give a little something when we see them. We also saw a lot of people selling magazines and tours around Cambridge...you know those street vendors. One of the guys was very persistent and wouldn't let us cross the street, he wanted to give us a tour around. After Jose politely told him no thank you, we know our way around Cambridge I've (Jose) lived here for 12 years now; he took the hint and let us cross the street so we could be on our way. Let's be honest...or rather I'll be honest. Those people annoy the tarnation out of me! And I avoid eye contact at all costs. Jose, well being the friendliest man on the face of the planet makes eye contact with EVERYONE and says hello with a warm smile on his face just inviting you in for a heart to heart. And if you're really lucky and stop to conversate with him, he will give you the biggest hug to carry with you for the rest of your day. And that's usually how we end up in those awkward situations with people wanting to sell us everything and not taking no for an answer. I even told Jose, just don't make eye contact. He said, but I'm just saying hi Mamacita.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm not sure how to argue against that and since I'm sure I'm now the world's worst person by avoiding eye contact, I just stay quiet and endure those awkward moments. However, there are times when a hello and a smile are all that's needed to make someone's day. (Jose teaches me so much about life, and here's a perfect example) </p>
<p dir="ltr">For those of you living in the UK, when you go out in a city and you see people selling magazines, be sure to pay attention to the names of them. There is one that some sell called The Big Issue (pictures down below) The people that sell them have fallen on hard times and are looking for a hand up for themselves and their families. They buy these magazines for a £1.25 and sell them for £2.50. Some of these people live in shelters, some of them live in low income housing, and some might even live on the streets. Jose and I always buy these magazines when we see anyone selling them. Today was one of those times. Except it was different in a way that broke my heart. When Jose stopped to buy the magazine from the man, the man looked at him and said, "O good I'm not invisible".....on a street FULL of people coming and going as they pleased. Most with arms loaded with shopping bags full of their latest purchases, I realized I was one of those people. I didn't see the man selling the magazines until Jose stopped. I had my blinders on, I contributed to making that man feel invisible. It really melted away my "let's get what we came to get and avoid eye contact with everyone because I don't feel like talking to anyone today" attitude. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I thought of all the times that I've ever felt invisible in a crowd of people. All the times, I wished someone would acknowledge my existence because I have something to offer. It's a terrible feeling, one that I know everyone reading this can relate to. Today changed me. It's pretty ironic this whole day really. I've just recently lost the people I thought were my friends. They have stopped talking to me after I reached out to them for help, but I guess I wasn't "holy" enough for them to make the effort to help me. So for the past month or so, I have felt invisible, and I have been praying to God to send me a friend, or at least someone that I can help asking for nothing in return. Today, my heart was humbled and my eyes have been opened wide. So consumed with my self-pity concerning everyone that hurt me, that I never looked up to see the eyes that needed my smile. God answered my prayer today. And he probably answered it yesterday and the day before too. I just never took the time to stop and look. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The saying is true, If you need a friend, go out and be a friend. If you need love, go out and give love first. I always knew the saying, but I've never actually felt it in my heart as raw as I did today. I once heard a poem that goes a little something like this...</p>
<p dir="ltr"> I didn't exist for a moment today, for when we passed you<br>
looked away. Not acknowledging my needs or even my existence.<br>
But in the pain I realized how many times I've avoided eyes that<br>
were reaching out to me. <br>
-Author Unknown<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Life Lesson #3,989,486-LEARNED</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig3xnD4p7jvdtozzL0O_U21gVIpzq2DEq81Rfx27_ZoykrTezPKV0nH_hvwg7pyzxHWOUAR6KqvQmhbug18-IUNWfgngcScpnGZ-H80RJU9z_WP-0RX2mr3etlyYMetyG6ItLSicLPXgm7/s1600/20170421_155340.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig3xnD4p7jvdtozzL0O_U21gVIpzq2DEq81Rfx27_ZoykrTezPKV0nH_hvwg7pyzxHWOUAR6KqvQmhbug18-IUNWfgngcScpnGZ-H80RJU9z_WP-0RX2mr3etlyYMetyG6ItLSicLPXgm7/s640/20170421_155340.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirmpqJ4vMoAoCGbNMZPLMqtaZV1stPsop1xcXqjr8RN9jZb_QfidCBwlG7PXEwDKazKaVZwHwcIiN3tquR1M3nHhrl9aGL_o5UdpY7TIs4HFchaXCkDENp3BZr7IKVwybHz8AOKpF9jX00/s1600/20170421_161255.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirmpqJ4vMoAoCGbNMZPLMqtaZV1stPsop1xcXqjr8RN9jZb_QfidCBwlG7PXEwDKazKaVZwHwcIiN3tquR1M3nHhrl9aGL_o5UdpY7TIs4HFchaXCkDENp3BZr7IKVwybHz8AOKpF9jX00/s640/20170421_161255.jpg"> </a> </div>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-55295856091641882272017-01-23T18:02:00.001-08:002017-01-23T18:02:01.833-08:00A Reason to March <p dir="ltr">So much comes in and so very little comes out.  I try to get my brain to start connecting with my mouth.  I have a voice too you know and now I've got something to say, if you've got a weak stomach for honesty,  then nows the time to look away. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Turn your heads from the truth as it screams from the homeless man's eyes, though he fought for your freedom, you got the better deal from life. Today, homeless soldier, I March for you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Deafen your ears to the cries of the unborn babies that never had a chance, you felt your life was more important so you took a pill and  passed it quietly  with just some minor cramps. Today, aborted children, I March for you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Close your eyes to the women in the city standing under the red lights, not caring if they were kidnapped as you look for the perfect one to give you a good time. Today, sex trafficked victim, I March for you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Clench your fists tight at the drug addict needing a hand of grace, they get high to escape their torment, it helps to numb the pain.  Today, struggling drug addict, I March for you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Keep your head down as you pass them, their cries for help reflected on their faces, your problems are much more important, but a simple smile is all it would have taken...to give them hope, to save their life. Today, Suicide victims and everyone with depression, I March for you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You see my point is pretty simple, our bodies were made for a purpose, but not in the way you'd ever see, because in the end it's not about anyone else its always been about me, me, me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You have arms to be extended to those who need your hope, you have feet to walk beside them when life gets to be too tough for them to cope. You have a shoulder for them to lean on and maybe shed a few tears, you have eyes that can see their suffering as their pleas fall on deaf ears. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You have a voice that can be heard, and it's not because of your gender or your race,  but because you want to use your whole body as it was <u>created</u> to finally make a change.  Change of perspective, change of heart and change of mind. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You March for equal rights but turn your head away from those three feet from <u>you</u> with a cardboard sign begging for a warm place to stay.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So tell me who is the real oppressor now? <br>
Today, marching oppressors, I March for them. </p>
<p dir="ltr">-Melissa Garcia</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOU61K_gubjzYk18e4niT_9niSTK0v8EctceoZD5UATsKeU2v7M3JNFNMY0eM-qcsFs8sS5LYaI5pyPNCvGm7kEJg5eD_FAM8CYYgerca6m4a1Kg5RgJaAxoLRbOxUzkW3zxApEpmheW5Q/s1600/4f0933df987106abc37f0621529af859.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOU61K_gubjzYk18e4niT_9niSTK0v8EctceoZD5UATsKeU2v7M3JNFNMY0eM-qcsFs8sS5LYaI5pyPNCvGm7kEJg5eD_FAM8CYYgerca6m4a1Kg5RgJaAxoLRbOxUzkW3zxApEpmheW5Q/s640/4f0933df987106abc37f0621529af859.jpg"> </a> </div>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-82995801357648363762016-12-07T09:51:00.001-08:002016-12-07T09:59:43.253-08:00Why Me Lord?<p dir="ltr">Why me Lord? What have I ever done, to deserve even one, of the blessings I've known?</p>
<p dir="ltr">That's the song my daddy used to sing in church when I was a little girl. It was my favorite song to hear him sing because he put so much heart into it and often times, he would finish it with tears rolling down his cheeks.<br>
It is also, the song that I sang on my way home from my walk today. <br>
I have been struggling lately trying to fight for what's right and to make sure justice is the outcome as a result of my best warrior like efforts. All of my life I've tried to fight for the right thing even if it meant standing alone. And all of my efforts to do the right thing have only backfired and I was the one left wondering what I did wrong. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Funny thing about doing what is right. There are less and less people in the world that want to do what's right because it isn't easy and as I've learned, the outcome is not always what we want. The thing I've been fighting for, the outcome wasn't what I wanted and the right decision was not made. Simply because people cannot be bothered with the truth of things and are inconvenienced by my pain. So under the rug it was swept, and I ended up being the one who was punished while the wrong doer was promoted.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I came home from work this morning feeling rather defeated and dumb. This afternoon, I decided to go for a walk instead of sitting in the house and wallowing in my emotions. I talked to God on my walk. I laid it all out on the table. My anger, my anxiety, my doubt, confusion, hurt, pride, and my sadness at the cowardliness of the people that turned a blind eye to my pain. As I was talking to him, I kept asking why me God? Why does this always happen to me? Why do I even bother doing the right thing anymore? Have I not learned my lesson by now? I kind of ran out of things to say at one point and so I just stood there in this big open field with the sunset to my front and not a person to be seen for miles. And I listened.</p>
<p dir="ltr">As I stood there with the wind blowing on my face and my heart full of pride, he said to me, "Why not you?" Uhhh, come again God? I'm sorry but the wind was in my ears and I could have sworn you just said, Why not you...yep, that's what he said. It didn't take me very long to understand what he meant and to realize what a fool I had been this entire time. He's been using me my entire life for a purpose that is far greater than what my tiny mind can comprehend. I stood there for a good minute soaking in God and his truth and I was humbled by his love for me. He entrusted me with his gifts, his passion, his truth, and love to go out and fulfill HIS purpose, not mine. And there I was questioning him, why me?  I should be honored to be chosen to be used by him, instead I was worried about when I, ME, HOLY MELISSA, MELISSA GARCIA WHO SPEAKS THE NAME OF JESUS OUT LOUD AND DEMONS WILL FLEE would see MY justice! </p>
<p dir="ltr">God showed me that it simply does not work that way. And I'm not sure why it has taken me 29 years to get it, but I understand now. I had to relinquish my right to be right. The battle belongs to God, I am but a tiny soldier in his army and he commands my every footstep, my every breath, my very heartbeat. He didn't leave me when I was abandoned at birth, and he's been with me my entire life. He's never left me, nor has he forsaken me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I walked out to that field today as a victim of injustice asking God why me. Never did I imagine I would be walking home in victory asking God the same question, this time with a completely different meaning. A different perspective is sometimes all we really need. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Tell me Lord, what did I ever do, that was worth love from you or the kindness you've shown. Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so help me Jesus, I know what I am. Now that I know I've needed you so help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Why me Lord?  </p>
<p dir="ltr">https://youtu.be/mtQOY-0sViQ</p>
Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-66586761363897982402016-11-10T15:50:00.001-08:002016-11-10T16:17:33.559-08:00Matters of the heart<p dir="ltr">I haven't spoken to you in four years. And today, when I called you, the tears were instant. Even now I cannot stop them from racing down my face. Thank you for making the effort, even when I did not, to reach out to me and heal the broken places with your wisdom and unconditional love. For being the best role model of who God is and how powerful his love and grace is to unworthy people like me. I'm glad we have reconnected, although you have never been far from my thoughts, especially around the holidays when I'm making a million loaves of potica. </p>
<p dir="ltr">In case you all are wondering who I am talking about, it's my Auntie Bobbee. She is a nun, yes I'm serious. And she is my favorite person in the whole wide world. She is THE reason (her and Auntie Georgia) that I am who I am. The reason I had the courage to run cross country in Jr. High even though I wasn't that great. The reason I played soccer, the reason I play the flute, the reason I write, the reason that I have courage to just go for what I want in life even if I fail. At least I can say I tried. She taught me to have manners, how to be a lady, and that life really is one big adventure if you are brave enough to embark on it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">There hasn't been a week that has gone by in my life that I haven't spoken to her through email at the very least. Until four years ago when I moved to England. There was a big miscommunication and I stopped talking to her. She messaged me on fb and gave me her number a few weeks ago and I called and kept missing her, but today, I got to talk to her. And it was like nothing had changed, like we never skipped a beat in that four year gap. I asked her for her forgiveness and she forgave me as we updated each other on life. Before we got off the phone, she said to me what she has always said to me in every email and every conversation we've ever had in my 29 years of life. She said I just want you to be happy my little peanut. I'm glad that you are finally happy. </p>
<p dir="ltr">In all of my life, I've never heard her bring up my past. I've never had her rub my mistakes in my face, and I've never known her to turn her back on me because of a disagreement, misunderstanding, or different views. I.e. She is catholic, I am not. But I've always gone to mass with her whenever I visited her every summer, and she has even come to church services with me when she would visit. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I write this today because I hope you will listen when I urge you to not waste the time you have left on this earth posting another facebook status about the election. What is done, is done. What will be, will be. Sign off of social media for a while and go call that family member you haven't spoken to in a while. Just say hey, I love you and I miss you. Don't talk about politics, talk about life. Talk about your dreams, make amends if they need to be made, and have a laugh from memories that you share. It's not about political views, religious views, but heart views. We are only guaranteed TODAY, RIGHT NOW, THIS MOMENT. Please don't waste it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">In the words of Dionne Warwick, "What the world needs now is love sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of." </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyaNtTLAPemFn_5KbvPpxAnin44FSDVup3Bi1hheRm5FDpvS5oo2Wi1RQVC0x4bgtZSIglRcnVsDed1yJ0z3ek3VUAaRdZBH2OL-Oz8Zkq8YguA7mrlFnxnWh_LB0Fi8F9Jlr4gINDaGri/s1600/20161110_234323.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyaNtTLAPemFn_5KbvPpxAnin44FSDVup3Bi1hheRm5FDpvS5oo2Wi1RQVC0x4bgtZSIglRcnVsDed1yJ0z3ek3VUAaRdZBH2OL-Oz8Zkq8YguA7mrlFnxnWh_LB0Fi8F9Jlr4gINDaGri/s640/20161110_234323.png"> </a> </div>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-46590433224548218592016-10-04T12:29:00.001-07:002016-10-04T13:56:44.492-07:00Whole Pieces of Broken<p dir="ltr">About a year ago, I had a friend I was really close to stop talking to me. Just up and disappeared out of my life. I tried to reach out to her numerous times and she just ignored my messages. So I stopped messaging her and waited for her to come to me instead. And I waited, and waited. I beat myself up for a while wondering what in the heck could I have done wrong to make her not want to talk to me anymore? We didn't get into a fight or have a disagreement. One minute everything was great and the next I didn't exist. Well time went on and she deployed for six months. Jose and I kept in contact with her husband to make sure he was getting through the deployment ok, and to hang out with his totally cool mom! (Seriously though, she rides a motorcycle. It doesn't get much cooler than that) Then June rolls around and said former friend comes home. Well the deployment took its toll on her marriage and some truths came out, gossip flew around, and overnight this gals reputation was tarnished, and her marriage was over.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I can't say I wasn't mad at her as well, because I was. One day Jose and I saw her as we were out and about and my immediate reaction was to stretch out my arms and give her a big hug. Yea, I know. I was yelling at my body to stop, don't hug her, she betrayed you and everyone around her. (insert the rest of those horrible judgy thoughts we all have). But I hugged her and asked how she was doing, she said good just getting dinner for her and her husband. It hit me then that she didn't know that I knew (her husband had left her already) and at that moment my anger and judgement melted away into sadness. As I said goodbye and wished her well, I looked back and all I saw was a broken woman. She's been on my heart ever since.</p>
<p dir="ltr">There have been many a time in my life where I've messed up, where I've been confused about who I was, where I thought no one was watching so what's it going to hurt if I'm having a good time?</p>
<p dir="ltr">And every time my sins were found out and I was put on public display to be shamed for the rest of my life. Except I had Jesus. He forgave me when I repented and changed my ways. He gave me mercy, he showed me grace. All of which by anyone else's account, I was undeserving of and probably would have stoned me to death if they could have. There were a few people that distanced themselves from me but they still loved me. They came around once I came around to my senses and convictions. They didn't see me as this horrible person who was deserving of desertion. They saw me as the broken mess that I truly was and they loved me back to being whole. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It's a common story really. Most of us can relate or have/are going through it right now. But I'll tell you what I've learned from my brokenness with the best country analogy that I've got. <br>
Have you ever been in an old barn? You know how some of the boards are broken in various places? At night, all you can see is the broken boards and the cold that they let in to the barn. But watch the sun rise through those pieces of brokenness and watch how the light hits the hay or the inside of the barn. You know the kind I'm talking about, light so perfect that you can see all the dust particles floating in the air where it falls. It's stunning isn't it? For a while you forget about the broken boards and just stand in awe at the beauty you are surrounded by. <br>
That's kind of like life. If we take the time to see and appreciate the beauty in our brokenness, only then can we help our neighbor who is fixing his broken barn boards with money, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You see I wasn't mad at my friend because of what she did. I was mad at her because she reminded me of who I used to be. I judged her like I was judged and in that moment I looked back at her and I saw how broken she was, I also saw a little bit of me. To deny her any grace and forgiveness would be to deny that I had ever made mistakes in my life. And that folks would be very hypocritical of me to do. I pray that when others hurt us or dissapoint us, we are slow to judge their mistakes and instead see them as broken people who simply need Jesus. </p>
<p dir="ltr">In other words, take those people to your barn and show them the beauty that lies in being broken. God's love is the only love that will ever put our shattered pieces back together and make us whole again. <br>
Ah, mercy, isn't it beautiful?</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim1pYbWP1a7rjK19WTDnhTjI6aVFiBtPmIA_hqfctgxUIX4CcJxDFSF9NDW_ITcBrbFHLJ0cJrARzzQqztJmfCyl4gLm7arYV5SMqII3YMZkqERwv_ENJyDmP1rHpFSRgEnNDbssPLZJ5b/s1600/Screenshot_20161004-202327.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim1pYbWP1a7rjK19WTDnhTjI6aVFiBtPmIA_hqfctgxUIX4CcJxDFSF9NDW_ITcBrbFHLJ0cJrARzzQqztJmfCyl4gLm7arYV5SMqII3YMZkqERwv_ENJyDmP1rHpFSRgEnNDbssPLZJ5b/s640/Screenshot_20161004-202327.png"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfbSYhYLR1AgM13iM7Hnr4yXdjiQhb8Fz15WNIZBzNZngq-Dd03D3Nq7WNOGODCxx5bS-1889Gxv56GvnY7PPaL-b-qZf-iFgIuYfOdZSs5pjueq81ZLimk0TK6KBNyEzkVol-fv6wtOBA/s1600/c74a4d2276b4f96220c96f7768a5a86d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfbSYhYLR1AgM13iM7Hnr4yXdjiQhb8Fz15WNIZBzNZngq-Dd03D3Nq7WNOGODCxx5bS-1889Gxv56GvnY7PPaL-b-qZf-iFgIuYfOdZSs5pjueq81ZLimk0TK6KBNyEzkVol-fv6wtOBA/s640/c74a4d2276b4f96220c96f7768a5a86d.jpg"> </a> </div>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-10942001486135029812016-09-10T09:34:00.001-07:002016-09-10T09:48:45.086-07:00Guess Who?<p dir="ltr">Recently, I had someone tell me that I am too much. I am too honest, too critical, too deep, too intense. And it's no wonder I couldn't hang on to friends. Yea, I was hurt but not surprised. This person (who will later be named) has always told me my entire life that I wasn't good enough, I wasn't smart enough. I will never be loved because of my past, God doesn't love me because I don't go to church, but if I dare go to church, O how they will judge you and God could never love you if you're not perfect. They magnified my flaws to my face, day in and day out, never letting me forget that I'm just not pretty enough. My boobs are too small, my butt is too big, and those hips, are dispraportionate to my tiny frame. You're ugly, you're awkward, you're weird. Why can't you just be more like your sisters Melissa? That's what they would always tell me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">As I got older, the insults and hurtful words got worse. You've sinned so much, you're too far away from God for him to ever reach you again, let alone hear your prayers. God doesn't listen to sinners when they pray. All this pain you're going through is your fault, remember who I told you you were when you were little, your own mother abandoned you, why would anyone else want to be in your life, you're pathetic for even trying. You were born with a disability, you'll never be smart enough to get through college, let alone make something of your life. You'll never be successful like your sisters.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Do you get the point yet? Ready for me to name that horrible person who traumatized me my entire life? </p>
<p dir="ltr">It was me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You see although I have actually had someone tell me some of these things for most of my life, a lot of it is just me.<br>
I bet you re-read through those two paragraphs just now and realized that you can relate. And I also hope that you are strong enough to tell that awful person to hush up, let me tell you a thing or two bud. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Yes I might be awkward, dispraportionate, too intense at times, and my story isn't a story of success in the worldly sense, but one of tiny accomplishments every day that I consider to amount to a successful day. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I've learned to embrace my flaws and differentiate between the lies I was told as a child, plus the lies I tell myself, and see myself for who God and my husband see me as. Perfectly imperfect. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I hate that I'm so clumsy. But my husband thinks it's just the most hilarious thing in the world. I've learned to laugh at my clumsiness now because, well, it actually is pretty funny. (seriously, I once cut my finger pretty badly with a spoon!) <br>
I still look in the mirror some days and hate my reflection, but my husband looks at me and says, "with a little makeup, you'll get there." Ha, just kidding guys. Had to see if I still had an audience. Moving along.</p>
<p dir="ltr">**See what I did there? I put in something random and funny in the middle of a serious blog post! If that isn't awkward, I don't know what is. But did it make you laugh? I bet it did. If so, then you're the reason I can embrace my awkwardness. I still see my self as awkward but in a fun way. I've learned to be my awkward self and make people laugh, and I get a good chuckle out of it as well. I was once told that I should be a comedian. I told the lady, I am, that'll be $80 please! badum boom! Ok, sorry. I'll be serious now.**</p>
<p dir="ltr">My point is, you are your own worst critic and if you wouldn't want other people to say it about you, then certainly don't say it to yourself! Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. That to me includes my thoughts as well. If we constantly tell ourselves that we are nothing, not good enough, etc. then that is what we will become. But if we stomp on those lies and see the beauty in who God made us, then O the things we will accomplish.<br>
There is no way I can fully love on Jesus but hate the body he put me in. That's like telling God, hey I know you created me in your image and all, but you're kinda ugly. God your nose is too big, you have way too much cellulite, and your feet are two different sizes! This is unacceptable, you must change to look like everyone else! I HIGHLY doubt we would dare tell God that, so WHY DO WE SAY THESE THINGS TO OURSELVES? (yes I am yelling at you!). </p>
<p dir="ltr">Just take a minute today and write down all of the things that you love about yourself and why. Not what you love that your husband loves about you, or your mom loves about you. Nope, write what YOU love about YOU. You may just be surprised.</p>
<p dir="ltr">-Melissa Out xoxoxoxo<br></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_e6oFUEVoIxHwsGaYrG8UzSlco_pb7iZpcZLoY377hfTE_Y_g199gpruyUIg6SPhlOFqF8vQTkXCEigOQEUWDQlmwF_9-6pv5kN2z70gC28WCEnZnVvTdgednD54AJlWRwhIRsha3Na0/s1600/20160903_213211.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_e6oFUEVoIxHwsGaYrG8UzSlco_pb7iZpcZLoY377hfTE_Y_g199gpruyUIg6SPhlOFqF8vQTkXCEigOQEUWDQlmwF_9-6pv5kN2z70gC28WCEnZnVvTdgednD54AJlWRwhIRsha3Na0/s640/20160903_213211.jpg"> </a> </div>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-4274892055619039282016-05-08T08:59:00.000-07:002016-05-08T09:07:02.086-07:00Mother's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I'm going to share with you a story. A story that I hope you will see as inspirational. For those of you reading, and you know my story, you know that my intentions are not for pity, but to inspire. For those of you reading and you don't know my story, that's ok, I hope this still touches your life in some way.<br />
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I woke up this morning and I read this verse as I always do on Mother's Day and Father's day. My childhood story is not a happy one, I grew up in a very toxic environment that left me a complete shattered mess of a person emotionally, mentally, and physically. And by the time I reached 25 I had decided I had had enough. I haven't spoken to my foster mother in 4 years, or anyone in my family (except my brother and biological mom). Which has actually helped me heal in the most amazing way and I am proud of who I have become and what I have overcome. God has opened my eyes to so many things that I thought were my fault, all the lies I was told growing up, and that my foster mother is a very mentally sick woman. I was able to forgive myself, her, and the rest of my family for the things they did to me. Which is why I can share this blog entry with you.<br />
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I used to struggle with Mother's Day. I hated it and I would spend all day feeling sorry for myself and being jealous of everyone that had loving Mothers they can wish a Happy Mother's day to. Why? Mostly because of my childhood, and because when I was 18 my foster mother gave me a huge box full of all my school and baby pictures along with every mother's day card and any other card I ever made for her. Told me, I wasn't really her daughter, so she doesn't want these things anymore. I was devastated. I still have all of that stuff in a box in my garage. I look at it from time to time, mostly on Mother's day.<br />
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Well this week, I pulled all of this stuff out as I usually do (I'm a very nostalgic person if you haven't noticed) and I came across this photo and my heart flooded with happy memories and the tears just flowed. I realized Mother's Day isn't about making cards and giving gifts, it's about these two women for me.<br />
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So this Mother's Day, instead of thinking about the Mother I never had growing up, I want to tell you about the women God placed in my life to be a Mother to me.<br />
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The lady on the left with the beautiful smile and a face that radiates with love and joy....that's my Mama K. Her name is really Kamante (I know, it's a beautiful name). God put her in my life at a very crucial time. I met her at church my freshman/sophomore year of High School and ever since then, she has been a very steady rock in my ever rocky life. She has shown me how to love God and other people. She has prayed with me at the altar, cried with me, helped me to laugh in the face of fear, encouraged me to pursue God's calling on my life, and has loved me even through all the times I messed up. She's always had my back when I thought I was alone, she saw everything I went through at home and was my prayer warrior for God's protection over me, she has opened up her home to me when I had nowhere else to go and has only asked that I never forget my first love, Jesus. If anyone knows my heart, it's this woman. I still go to her for advice to this day, when something good happens, I tell my mama K. I wouldn't be who I am today without her constant prayers. So Mama K, Happy Mother's Day. I love you more than words could ever express. Thank you for opening your heart for this little gal to take refuge in. For inviting me to be a part of your amazing family, and for helping me to not become the very thing that I despise. You are forever a part of my heart and will always be my Mama K.<br />
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Now on to the other beautiful lady on the right with the blond hair and the radiant smile. That's my Mama Edie (and her husband Tim next to her). I also officially met her at the same time I met Mama K, but I saw her at other churches when she would sing as a guest. I loved her voice the moment I heard her sing. And she showed me what real worship was. She is the reason I wanted to follow my heart and be a worship leader. If this woman knows how to do anything, it's to sing praises to Jesus and to worship him. I was there at her son Matt's funeral, she sat in the front row right by his casket. We had his funeral in the church and we had a praise and worship time. During that time, I was on the stage and I looked up during a song, everyone was still sitting but Mama Edie was standing with her arms raised to heaven worshiping God. She was at her own son's funeral and was the only one standing and worshiping. In that moment I saw what worship was really about. It's not about us, it's always about our Heavenly Father and even in our grief we must worship him because he is HOLY. I will never ever forget that moment. It has helped me to worship my Jesus in the very worst of times, and guess what, when I surrender to him and I am engulfed in his presence, my problems and pain disappear. Mama Edie has also been a prayer warrior for me and has opened up her home and her heart for me to take refuge in. You have forever made an impact on my life. So to Mama Edie, Happy Mother's day. Thank you for loving me in spite of my flaws and for bringing me closer to Jesus just by being that example. Thank you for helping me to become better, not bitter. I love you always.<br />
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Happy Mother's Day you two. I love you and I would not be who I am without you. You have made a difference in this gals life for the better.<br />
Thank you for loving me and for taking me into your families as one of your own. But mostly, thank you for seeing the beauty in my brokenness, and for helping to piece me back together with your wisdom, encouragement, and love. It's the glue that holds me together to this day.<br />
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With all of my love forever,<br />
Your daughter Melissa xoxoxo<br />
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-10680347284212573582016-05-01T12:35:00.001-07:002016-05-01T12:47:41.571-07:00Vulnerability<br />
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This past week, I took a trip to Keukenhof Holland to see the Tulip festival. Tulips are my absolute favorite flower in the entire world, so being able to be at the Tulip fesitival with the man of my dreams, was an absolute dream come true. Upon being there and visiting the amazing display of tulips, I learned something. The tulips that you see above, the ones with the feathery/frayed flowers, those tulips are actually diseased. I can't remember the name of the disease, but I do remember thinking when I read about it, how beautiful are these tulips. They were vulnerable, caught a disease, and came out on top, becoming my second favorite type of tulip. A very rare, sick, but beautiful tulip indeed. Which got me thinking about the word vulnerable..........<br />
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Being vulnerable. What does that mean to you? Well, I suppose it might depend on your current situation, your past upbringing, or who you are currently working on becoming. To me, it means everything. It used to be a word that struck fear into my core. I hated it. I was brought up to be tough and independent. I wasn't allowed to cry, I wasn't allowed to ask for help. So I grew up alone. I learned ALL of my lessons the hard way, I have cried more tears from heart break and disappointment than I could count, I have shoved people out of my life because I knew they would never live up to my expectations and eventually would hurt me. I have lied to everyone that asked me how I was doing because I knew they didn't really care. I've slammed the door (metaphorically) on so many valuable people in my life because they simply let me down.<br />
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However, I am nearly 30 and life isn't so hard. I've contemplated why in the world have I had such a good stream of luck in the past few years...surely happiness isn't in God's plan for me. And I have learned one thing. It's because I have chosen to be vulnerable. I have opened up myself to mostly every one I have come across. Nine times out of ten, it backfires on me and I end up the one being hurt. But in my pain, I have come to the conclusion that the people that use my vulnerability against me are hurting far worse than I am. And in turn, when they are ready (if and when) to come back and be my friend again, I will be there for them. Why?, you ask. They hurt you, they took advantage of you, they talk so badly about you! Because they need the love that I have to offer them. They need the love that Jesus has put into my heart to give to them more than I need it. God gave me my husband as my best friend to be there for me on this earth when I really need to refuel, when I really need to be reminded that I am a good person, and I am unconditionally loved. The people that betray me? They don't have that.<br />
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They are who I used to be. Hurt, confused, full of fear, needing approval, wanting love. And they show it by hurting others. It's sad, it's unfortunate, it's humanity without God. Do you want to know how I learned all of this? Yes, my amazing husband. We have a mutual friend, one he has known for 11 years, and one I have known for 6 years. I have had the hardest time with them accepting me for me and just being my friend. I had opened up to them (of course when Jose was there) and we bonded, we really bonded. It was great, until it wasn't. They shoved me away, picked fights with me on purpose, and generally tried to shove me out of their life. I was infuriated to the point of tears and I asked Jose why? Why were they punishing me when I didn't do anything to them? I'm never going to open up to them again, that's it, I'm done trying! Being my amazing truthful non biased husband he is, he in turn gave me this gut wrenching advice.<br />
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"Mamacita, if you want to make a difference in this person's life, then you have to be vulnerable with them." "You must show them unconditional love, no matter what." Ugh, but I don't want to! They hurt me, bla bla bla. But then I realized he was right. And be vulnerable I did. It actually hasn't made a bit of a difference in our friendship, but in being vulnerable, I learned what Jose was really trying to teach me. Being vulnerable isn't about the results you get with other people, whether it be good or bad. It's about YOU growing as a person and just accepting who you are, character builders (flaws) and all. Once you accept who you are, then the people that reject you for being who you are, really won't phase you. Because you know the harm they cause you is actually a cry for help. What they are really asking is this. "Please don't prove me right." "Please give me one more chance." " I didn't mean it, I just don't know how to accept love, goodness, and kindness."<br />
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What they are really saying to me? PROVE ME WRONG! Prove to me that not everyone is the same. Prove to me what unconditional love looks like, feels like, is. So from January 2016 onward I have been nothing but vulnerable, honest, me. And so far, it hasn't really paid off. I've only had disappointments, but many lessons have been learned. So many people need love. So many people need Jesus! If you love someone and you open yourself up to them and you give them your all, and they reject it and it makes you angry, then you have not really loved them have you? Love is not selfish. So the next time you meet someone new, or you give someone in your life another chance, love them. I mean REALLY love them unconditionally for who they are, who they have been, and who you know they can be. Love them like Jesus would. Unconditionally, with no expectations. I promise, it's a win win situation. The Beatles had it right when they said, "All you need is love, love is all you need." And more importantly, the Bible had it right when it said,<br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-1" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span class="chapternum" style="bottom: -0.1em; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; line-height: 0.8em; position: relative;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text 1Cor-13-1" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span class="chapternum" style="bottom: -0.1em; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; line-height: 0.8em; position: relative;"> </span>Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-2" id="en-NKJV-28668" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">2 </span>And though I have <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">the gift of</i> prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-3" id="en-NKJV-28669" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">3 </span>And though I bestow all my goods to feed <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">the poor,</i> and though I give my body to be burned,<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NKJV-28669a" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-28669a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+13&version=NKJV#fen-NKJV-28669a" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</span>but have not love, it profits me nothing.</span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-4" id="en-NKJV-28670" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">4 </span>Love suffers long <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">and</i> is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-5" id="en-NKJV-28671" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">5 </span>does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-6" id="en-NKJV-28672" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-7" id="en-NKJV-28673" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">7 </span>bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.</span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-8" id="en-NKJV-28674" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">8 </span>Love never fails. But whether <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">there are</i> prophecies, they will fail; whether <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">there are</i> tongues, they will cease; whether <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">there is</i> knowledge, it will vanish away. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-9" id="en-NKJV-28675" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">9 </span>For we know in part and we prophesy in part. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-10" id="en-NKJV-28676" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">10 </span>But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.</span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-11" id="en-NKJV-28677" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">11 </span>When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-12" id="en-NKJV-28678" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">12 </span>For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.</span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-13" id="en-NKJV-28679" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">13 </span>And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">is</i> love.</span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-13" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">1 Corinthians 13</span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-13" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">P.s. I actually had to memorize this ent</span>ire verse when I was in the 1st grade at the Lighthouse Christian school with Mrs. Tallman as my teacher. So it has stuck with me my entire life. (christian school was the best half year of my life, I remember almost everything about it and I loved it).<br />
P.s.s. Never forget where God has brought you from into where you are now. The pain that people cause you, is the very same pain that you have caused someone in your life when you were none the wiser. We are all humans searching for love and acceptance. And Jesus is the ONLY way to show true love and acceptance. More Jesus, less YOU.</div>
Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-63946835961272045602016-02-27T11:00:00.005-08:002016-02-27T11:06:25.595-08:00There's Only Grace<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>To the ones in the fight, never forget that your faith will lead you exactly where you need to be.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Keep your eyes on HIM, not THEM!</i></b></div>
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Watch as she suffers, look at all her shame. Speak only of her failures; after all she's the one to blame.</div>
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Turn your back as she cries out for mercy only to face her in laughter and mock. Make sure you always remind her of all the wrong she's ever done.</div>
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"May you never know peace," they say. It's not something you deserve. May you never forget love is not unconditional, it's something you must earn.</div>
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She walks with her face downwards, weariness dominates her steps. The voices bellow all around her, "you're nothing but a sinner, your punishment should be death!"</div>
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As her heart leads her onward, mercy and grace is what she seeks. Alone she must find him, he said he would bring her peace.</div>
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Almost there she can see him, just a few more steps away. She trudges forward to her savior as they all scream, "you must make her pay!"</div>
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With her tears flowing freely at his feet she falls. She breaks a small jar of perfume, anoints his feet and begins to wash.</div>
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Silently she weeps for mercy as she dries his feet with her hair, so many around her were whispering, but she was much too broken to care.</div>
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The crowd suddenly went quite when he lifted her face in his hands. His eyes were so kind and full of mercy as he thanked her for her offering and helped her to stand.</div>
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He turned to the crowd and softly asked, why are your curses so loud and your offerings to me so meak? After all it was the sinner, not the saint, that used her tears to wash my feet.</div>
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He gave her his peace and mercy and sent her on her way. Too bad this is just a story in the Bible that isn't practiced today.</div>
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Where is Jesus in your condemnation? Where is this Saviour of whom you preach? You ignore the speck in your own eye, while too busy pointing your finger at me!</div>
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How ironic that you judged me, your hurtful words paved my way. For what you meant to harm me only led me straight to grace.</div>
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<b style="line-height: 17.94px;"><i>-Melissa Garcia xoxo</i></b></div>
Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-74937377255322090632015-09-17T10:39:00.000-07:002015-09-17T10:43:05.520-07:00Standing on his promisesIt was the summer of 2005. I had just graduated High School, and was on a mission trip in West Virginia with my youth group. We got to witness to the less fortunate, show compassion to the homeless, and grow in God with each other. It was a time in my life that I will never forget.<br />
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One particular memory stands out for me at this very moment in my life though. We gathered in the "kitchen" area to do a drama for some folks that had stopped by to be fed, physically and spiritually, when mama K asked me to share a word for these people. I had literally 10 minutes to prepare and I was scared. But I obeyed because I knew she wouldn't have asked me if God had not asked her first.</div>
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So I said God, what am I supposed to say to these people who have lost all hope in life? Who don't know where their next meal will come from, nor do they know where they will sleep tonight. So I ran up to my room and tore open my bible, going through all the scriptures I knew of, NOTHING came to me. I was starting to panic! But then a bookmark fell out of my bible (out of the millions of bookmarks I had in my bible, this one fell out at this moment). It was a graduation gift I got, funnily enough.</div>
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I took one look at it and I heard God say THIS is what I want you to speak to these people! So I thanked God for speaking to me and rushed downstairs. I was still scared, but I knew God would give me the words to say and he did. I don't remember what I said, but I will never forget God speaking to me.</div>
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This memory came to mind today because I am struggling with my job. I'm struggling with my co worker who doesn't believe in God and is letting the enemy use her to come against me in every way possible. I have anxiety everyday that I have to go to work wondering what will she do to me today? In a constant battle not to burst into tears at the end of a very long day, sometimes even before I open up my email at 7:30 in the a.m. I have anxiety so bad that I am sick to my stomach most mornings.</div>
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I have been praying so hard for God to give me a new job, but with no degree or experience, I am stuck. I have been in constant prayer, I've prayed over this lady's desk, I've laid hands on her chair, I've rebuked the devil every morning before I go into work, NOTHING. I have come to a point of just giving up. So I came home today, sick with anxiety and exhaustion and I got out my bible and I prayed harder than ever over this lady. I rebuked the devil so loud, I'm sure my neighbors thought I was a crazy woman.</div>
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After I was done I was reading a book my brother got for me and I came across this very same scripture (see above picture) A peace came over me, as I was reminded of how I was desperately searching for something to say, and God took over with a simple bookmark that fell out of my bible 10 years ago. Who knows if what I said that day to those people ever made a difference, all I know is that I was obedient and now I must be obedient again and remain steadfast in my faith and in his promise, the very same one he had me tell those people about back then, holds very true to my circumstances now.</div>
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I don't know where God wants me in the long run. I don't even know if things will change where I am at, but I do know this is just a stepping stone for me. This job is not where God wants me to remain. </div>
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Please pray for me as I go TDY to San Antonio in two weeks for training for my job. (Ironically enough, the headquarters for Human Resources is located in San Antonio;it's also Jose's home town) and who knows, maybe God will open a door there for me, or at least plant a seed for something for the future. I don't know, but I do know God is Sovereign. His plans are to give me hope not anxiety..I will keep following that promise until I get to where I am supposed to be.</div>
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-10233050993380979312015-09-08T11:08:00.002-07:002015-09-08T11:08:47.106-07:00Battle CryI felt you today God, when you woke me up with lungs full of air, waiting to take my first breath of the day that you made just for me.<br />
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I saw you today Jesus, in the passenger seat of all the lost and hurting people that I pass going into work. They have no joy, no smiles cross their sleep filled faces, just sadness and weariness for the day that lies ahead.<br />
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I heard you God, while my co worker looked down on me, silently she screamed for love and acceptance, so a smile is what I gave as you reminded me that the meek will inherit the earth. <span style="color: red;">Matthew 5:5</span><br />
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I waited for you God, when my strength and hope were running dry, you showed up with a reminder that Greater is he that is in ME than he who is in the world. <span style="color: red;">1 John 4:4</span><br />
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I saw you again Jesus in everyone that I passed in the hall today, everyone that stopped by my office, their faces forced to smile, their eyes screaming for help. They walked seemingly alone, never knowing of the savior that walked before them in every step they took.<br />
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I needed you God, when I heard something disheartening and discouraging, it gave me anxiety and made me angry. <span style="color: red;">1 Peter 5:7</span><br />
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I'm still wearing my armor God, the one I suit up with every morning before I leave the house. <span style="color: red;">Ephesians 6:10-18</span><br />
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I felt you God as you confirmed through your word, that everything is going to be ok. <span style="color: red;">Genesis 50:20</span><br />
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I'm waiting on you Father, as you revive my spirit, and renew my strength. <span style="color: red;">Isaiah 40:31</span><br />
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I'm listening for you Jesus, for your command to tell me it's time to fly.<br />
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I'm ready God, to go into battle, suited up, and ready to fight. I cannot lose because no weapon formed against me shall prosper. <span style="color: red;">Isaiah 54:17</span><br />
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Here I am God, I worship you as I sit here and revel in your sweet spirit. A peace has come over me, and I know that the battle is not over, but the WAR has been won.<br />
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You are my Revival, Jesus on you I wait. I'll lean on your promise. You will renew my strength.</div>
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<b>-Lauren Daigle</b></div>
Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-61071214876546840982015-07-25T13:25:00.000-07:002015-07-25T13:35:43.628-07:00Cloudy Days and Sunset Rays<div id="qt_153824" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 37px; margin-bottom: 5px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today I woke up with hope. I looked out the window and it was a beautiful morning. I told myself, today is going to be a good day. But as the day wore on the sky quickly changed from beautiful and warm, to dark black clouds and a strong chilly wind. Along with it, so changed my mood. I was feeling depressed, hopeless, and numb. A continuation of my yesterday that I had hoped I could have slept off and started fresh. It wasn't so. After I cleaned the house, I crawled my depressed butt back into bed, I planned on staying there until I woke up tomorrow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But like he always does, God had other plans. I was just about to doze off when my husband came in and asked me to take a walk with him. So I begrudgingly did. After our walk we went out to eat some chinese and I told him a bit of how I was feeling. He asked me questions and he let me just talk. It really did help, but not quite enough to get me back to my normal self. I still had plans to come home after dinner and crawl into bed until morning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As we were driving home, the sun was setting and it was beautiful. So I went upstairs to take a picture and to just stare in awe at the beautiful sky, when God spoke to me. He said, "can't you see without the clouds the sunset would not be as beautiful." And I, as always, was humbled. The dark clouds were still in the sky nearest me as they had been throughout the day. But in the distance where the sun was, the clouds lit up with colors from the sun despite them being so dark just moments before. Had I gone straight to bed like I had planned, I never would have heard God speak to me and I wouldn't be writing this blog for you to read.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today was a bad day for me depression wise. It's been a bad month to be honest with you. But throughout all of it, God has always been there. I hold on to my faith knowing that God WILL help me through it and when I finally emerge from my dark place, my "sunset" is always beautiful. I know I will always struggle with depression, there is no escaping this awful disease. But I refuse to become a victim of it and I fight every single day to not let it swallow me whole. I am a better person because of my dark clouds. I see things on a deeper level because of my depression. I can appreciate my good days more than the people that have only good days. I can empathize with people who also struggle with depression and in turn, find friendships that I never expected to happen. I can share my story of strength, and I can know the power of a simple smile and a hug. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe that's why I love sunsets so much. I feel so much peace in knowing that they are always God's sign to me that he is still there, and he is showing me his love and his promises even though I am in a very dark place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you struggle with depression, come find me. We can watch the sunset together knowing that tomorrow will bring a new day, with new hopes and new revelations waiting to be discovered. We just have to take the time to be still and listen. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">My sunset, My promise, My hope in the MIDST of my dark clouds.<br />Thank you Father.</span></b></td></tr>
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-75640168143304615992015-07-02T09:07:00.000-07:002015-07-02T09:22:54.814-07:00Worthy Robin Williams had it right when he said "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."<br />
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I have been experiencing this, this past year, but it all came to a head yesterday.<br />
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A funny thing happens when you are silent. You see less of yourself and more of others. People forget you are even in their presence when you don't talk, but they also fail to remember that you are watching them and in your silence, their true colors scream the loudest.
My heart is broken because I thought I mattered, but I saw yesterday that I was nothing more than an obligation.<br />
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You see yesterday was my 28th birthday, something I don't broadcast because my theory is, if you can't celebrate me in my everyday life, then you certainly don't deserve to be in the know about my birthday and celebrate the one day that is mine and mine alone. If you know when my birthday is, then I consider you someone very special in my life that I want to celebrate my day with. Because I know you genuinely care.
But I made the mistake of letting the wrong people know when my birthday was and they turned the day into a day about them and made me feel the most alone I have felt in a very long time. (and I've been alone pretty much my whole life)<br />
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I don't consider myself a selfish person, so I didn't think it was too much to ask that I get some recognition. But it was. Comments were made by these people like "Man I really don't want to be here" and "Ok, let's hurry up and get to the house so I can change out of these clothes." And happy birthday and all that junk. And they are the ones that offered to take me to dinner. There was no dessert, there was no singing of Happy Birthday, there was just complaining and rushing. My birthday dinner ended up in tears. Don't worry, none of it was Jose's doing.
I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me, because although I am quite hurt, I am ok.
I am ok because it was the reality check I so desperately needed. I feel more empowered and more secure about who I am. I have come too far in my journey of self-discovery to have anyone detour me into thinking I am less than the extraordinary human being that I have fought so hard to become.<br />
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Pity party aside, I came home last night to the most beautiful sunset, with beautiful pinks and soft orange undertones, and light rays that reached out for miles. And I was gently reminded that I do matter, to the only one that will ever matter. And in my silence, he hears everything I never have to say.
My Jesus, My Savior, My creator, and My confidant. I feel like God was saying Happy Birthday Melissa, I created this sunset just for you. The beauty that you see displayed in front of you is nothing compared to how beautiful you are to me my precious child. And while I watched the sunset, my husband wrapped his arms around me and sang Happy Birthday as tears of joy ran down my face. I was joyful to be so blessed to have ended the day with all the love in the world, in one small bedroom overlooking the west, all wrapped up in my best friend and my Jesus.<br />
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In the end, God had it right when he said this:
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all.
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."<br />
<b>Isaiah 41:10-13 </b><br />
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She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.
<b>Proverbs 3:15-18 </b><br />
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<b> <span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="color: purple;"> My Birthday Sunset</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><b>The love of my life</b></span></div>
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-51178047676492672762015-05-16T12:00:00.000-07:002015-05-16T12:03:12.966-07:00Growing Pains<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color:; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.</span><br style="background-color: ; font-family: arial, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: ; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: ; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">I've been doing a lot of growing this past year. Growing up in God, and growing up in myself.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: ; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">I've had to come to a lot of harsh conclusions that I didn't want to face, like I'll never have friends because people can't handle my honesty. So I've had to get comfortable just being alone with myself ALL the time. It's lonely and it's hard. But I have also become accustomed to the silence, and in the silence, I have found me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: ; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Since I have been here in England, I have lost myself. I have become insecure about my body, insecure about my personality, and insecure about my definition of success. But it was because I kept comparing myself to other people that I came across. Then one day I got fed up. Tired of my mood swings, exhausted from my deep depression episodes, sick of being stressed out because I could not stop caring about what others thought of me. Am I too fat? Am I too sensitive? Am I so ugly that no one wants to be my friend? Am I too pretty that no one wants to be my friend? Will I ever be good enough? Do I talk too much? Am I too quiet? Am I too negative? Am I too stupid for my job? These are real questions that I have been torturing myself with for the past 3 years that I have been over here. Until my wonderful husband said to me with all the love in his heart, "I miss the Melissa you used to be when I first met you." "You used to be so confident, and happy, and independent."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: ; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">OUCH! Talk about a slap in the face with the truth stick! But it got me thinking, he's right. I've never really cared too much about what other people thought of me because I knew in whom I was rooted in. I will shamefully admit that I have forgotten that I was created in GOD's image. I AM fearfully and wonderfully made.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: ; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Who am I to ever say woe is me because no one likes me, woe is me because someone that claims to be my best friend lies to my face because they don't know that I already know the truth, woe is me because I don't have any friends...MELISSA ANN GARCIA! When Jesus was on this earth, he was the most perfect man, yet he remained alone. He was persecuted, condemned, crucified, but did NOTHING to deserve any of it. He washed the feet of Judas after knowing and saying out loud that he would betray him. He shared his bread, his last meal with those that claimed to be his followers, but when it came right down to it, they let him down, they betrayed him, denied him, even after all the miracles he showed them, after choosing them to be his disciples, after all of that he was left alone; to suffer alone, to die FOR THEM.<br /><br />Why? Because he knew he had a purpose. It wasn't about him, it was about them. All of them that needed him, so they could CHOOSE him and be with him eternally, he did it for them. This earth is temporary, this pain is temporary, this life is temporary. But Jesus...Jesus is ETERNAL. And to live for him and to suffer here on earth for him, I will gladly do. It is NOTHING compared to the sacrifice he made for me. Father, forgive me for my selfishness and my pride. It's not about me God, it's about you. When people lie to me, when people use me, when people hurt me intentionally for their own sick amusement and satisfaction...through my tears, through my pain, I WILL love them anyway. I will love them and be kind anyway, because I might be the only "Jesus" they will ever know.<br /><br />I will sacrifice my heart so they get to choose salvation or eternal suffering. God created me in his image, he created my heart to be sensitive and caring like his, he created me to cry and show I am weak so I can lean on him to forever be my strength. These people that take and take and take from me, I will let them take because I know my source will never run dry. They take because they run out, I give because they need it. O Father, I understand now and I praise you for my struggles. My heart breaks for those that do not know you. Show me God, show me how to love them like you love me. I pray they only see YOU in all that I do. When they hurt me 20 times, Father, let me forgive them 21 times. Forgive me for my shortcomings, forgive me for making this about me, I am but an extension of you. Use me God for your purpose. In these things I pray Amen.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: ; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">So if you're reading this and you've ever hurt me, I forgive you. I forgive you because I need God more than I need your approval. I forgive you so my cup will be filled with love so I can share it with you. I love each and every one of you. ALL of you! Thank you for showing me what I'm truly worth by driving me into the arms of my Father every time you brought pain to my life. Because of you, I see that we could all use more of Jesus, and I will be the person to show him to you.</span>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-66661224792969359122014-12-10T10:11:00.005-08:002014-12-10T10:21:34.273-08:00So much more<br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><i><b><span style="color: red;">"What's in a name? that which we call a rose</span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><i><b><span style="color: red;">By any other name would smell as sweet;"</span></b></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">We all know this quote. It's from Shakespeare's infamous Romeo and Juliet. Remember this quote, because later on it will be critical in making my point.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I know I have been away for a couple of months. To be honest, I haven't felt like writing. My depression has been particularly present in my everyday life and I have hidden away from the world. I've even tried hiding from myself. So now that I am feeling better, I will share with you my heart.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I was in Bury St. Edmunds a few months ago with Jose. We were just taking a stroll and enjoying the beautiful flowers. When I passed by a very young tree that had vines of thorns growing around it. You could tell it wasn't part of the tree and I wondered why would they put thorns around a tree?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I didn't think too much of it for the rest of the day. Then my depression set in. It got so bad that I got sick of myself. I was tired of all the thoughts that ran through my head no matter what I did. I was tired of feeling alone no matter how many people were there around me. I got tired of plastering on my smile at work. I got tired of asking for help (several times) and always being let down as if I didn't matter. I got tired of trying to feel God when I read my Bible. I felt so empty and lifeless. I was simply just done. I asked Jose why did God give me this terrible disease to live with? Why doesn't he send me people to help me? Why can I not find my way out of this darkness? My very wise husband took me in his arms and he said, "mamacita, sometimes God gives us thorns that we must live with for the rest of our lives to always keep us close to him." When he said that, I thought of the tree I saw in Bury.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">I came to the realization recently that t</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">he thorns that were placed around the tree I saw, were there to protect the tree from small animals eating away at it and its buds until it grew strong enough to sustain itself even when the animals climbed all over it.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Just like thorns are not on roses to hurt other people when they hold them, they are there to protect the rose and to remind the holder just how delicate and beautiful the rose is and to handle it with the utmost</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> care. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">Now here's where the quote comes in to play. I looked it up on Wikipedia so I could accurately quote it for you, and at the top it gave this explanation: </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><i><b>"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" is a frequently referenced part of William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet, in which Juliet seems to argue that it does not matter that Romeo is from her rival's house of Montague, that is, that he is named "Montague." The reference is often used to imply that the names of things do not affect what they really are.</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">And suddenly it hit me. My depression does not define who I am as a person. My depression doesn't affect my love for God, or my love for my husband. It is not WHO I am. I am not my thorn, I am the rose, I am the young-ling tree protected by my thorns to grow strong and beautiful. You see, too often we become the very things we despise or struggle with. We let it over take us instead of fighting to keep ourselves in tact. It's so easy to just give in. But who would stop and admire our beauty if all we were to become were thorns? What testimony would we have to tell others of our survival? What wisdom would be have to share with others who are also struggling? We bear no beautiful petals, we grow no limbs to give others shade. We become bitter, we succumb to our thoughts of suicide, we fall deeper into addiction.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">I was also talking to my brother the other day. And he told me something that coincides with all of this.He said, "you know Melissa, I think the reason why our family doesn't talk to us and doesn't accept us is because that's actually just God protecting us." I just sat back and thought, wow, that really makes a lot of sense! If our family accepted us and loved us like we wanted them to, we would be caught up in their hatred, their judgmental, bitter hearts. We would never be able to grow because everything that they are would consume us and we would be just another thorn. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">If roses had no thorns (as most come like that now) would we handle them with such delicacy? Most likely, no. Without, my depression, and without the pain my family has inflicted on me. I don't think I would yearn for God as much as I do. I wouldn't want to be a better person. I wouldn't want to fight to become who I have become. I wouldn't have as much love to share with others. I wouldn't have as much compassion or empathy. I would be mediocre and not who God created me to be. I am a rose. And just because you (yes I mean YOU) struggle with things like depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction, or anything else, doesn't mean that you aren't a rose. It just means that God is reminding you how precious you are to him. He is keeping you humble, honest, and beautiful for the calling he placed you in this life to fulfill. Don't let your thorns smother your beauty. Don't let your thorns define who you are. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">Also, as a side note. If you do struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, you are not alone and you DO matter. You matter to me, but most importantly you matter to God. He would never have let you wake up this morning to face another day if you didn't matter. He loves you and so do I. Now go and be blessed. It's time to blossom!</span></span>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-67021001020402993822014-09-17T09:34:00.000-07:002014-09-17T09:44:33.219-07:00A Stones Throw Away<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span style="color: blue;">STONE HER! STONE HER! SHE IS A SINNER, STONE HER TO DEATH!</span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><b><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /></b></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">After all, it <b>IS</b> the law. She broke it, she deserves to be punished.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Yet before her is a man who is quietly stooped down writing words in the dirt. He lifts his head at the angry crowd and says something that will change this woman's life forever.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." John 8:7</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">One by one her accusers dropped their stones to the ground and walked away.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The man continues to write in the dirt until the very last accuser is gone. He raises himself up and looks at this woman and says "woman where are these accusers of yours, has no one condemned you?"</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">She looks at him with disbelief and says "no one Lord"</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">And with grace on his tongue and forgiveness on his lips, the man replies, "neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The man, was Jesus. The woman was caught in the act of adultery, which as you know, was punishable by death in those days. What gets me the most about this story is not the fact that Jesus let this woman off scott free, but I wonder what he was writing in the dirt before this woman's accusers? One could think he was writing the names of their sins in the dirt. I imagine if it were to have happened in this day and age and the accusers protested when Jesus told them "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." One by one he would have called them over so each of them could see their sins staring at them in the face.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">Bob</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, saw the word PORN. As his wife left for work that day, he turned on his computer and succumbed to the temptation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">Frank</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> saw the word ALCOHOLIC as he drinks himself into a stupor night after night while his wife handles the screaming kids and takes care of dinner and after she puts the kids to bed he drunkenly belittles her with his words and abuses her with his fist.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">Judy</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> saw the word GOSSIP as she talks about those around her that don't meet up to her social standards, she knows everything about everybody, always has an opinion, and no one can tell her different.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Most times people accuse others to hide something in their own life that they don't want to people to know about</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">Bob,</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> he won't communicate with his wife about how their marriage lacks "spice" and it just takes so much work to get that back, so he finds his excitement in a 10 minute video.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">Frank</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, he drinks and abuses his wife because he can't face how much he hates himself, he hates his job, he hates that he can't provide for his family like he wants to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">Judy</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, she gossips about everyone because she feels her life is meaningless, she has no job, she has even put on quite a bit of weight over the years which has led to low self esteem, so to draw attention away from herself she magnifies the flaws in everyone around her.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">You see, the only difference between this lady who was CAUGHT in the act of adultery and you and I, is we HIDE our sin from the outside world behind closed doors. We go to church and act the part, then turn around and quickly judge those who's sins have been "found out" We try and draw attention away from our sins and justify our actions by thinking, "well at least I've never done THAT." Eventually though, your sins will find you out and I think it's best to acknowledge them now while we can still have God's grace and forgiveness than to wait until we get to heaven and God turns us away.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I wonder when God gave us permission to start stoning people to death. I wonder why we can't just drop our stones and just walk away. I wonder why it is so hard to just love. If you're a Christian, then you can.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Before I go, I will leave you with this one thought.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">If your phone calls were secretly recorded and your life was videotaped unbeknownst to you, then played back for the whole world to bear witness to, how many <b>(biblical)</b> laws would you be breaking? How many accusers would you have at your doorstep wanting to stone you to death? What words would Jesus have written in the dirt about you? I'm guessing more than you care to acknowledge. The times are different, but the message is very much the same. Just forgive, give it to God, drop your stones and walk away in God's grace.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">After all Love goes a lot farther than a stone ever will.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-70885805523019574552014-08-28T10:54:00.002-07:002014-08-28T11:02:37.536-07:00It's the Little ThingsThis world is an ugly place. It seems to only get worse with every passing day. The sheer hypocrisy of people is astounding. Morals have disappeared and integrity is but a 9 letter word that would set most people on fire if it were a lit match. People are lazy, entitled, and ever so vengeful. Wrong doings get swept under the rug, a slap on the wrist is given. Bad people are rewarded, the good goes unnoticed. A simple thank you is a rare thing to hear anymore. Instead only faults and mistakes are pointed out and magnified. I have quit watching the news for the most part because I get so discouraged and afraid for the world I live in and the direction in which it is heading. I scroll quickly through my Facebook looking for something positive in someone's life, but all I see is negativity and hatred. I find myself wanting to curl up under my blankets and just hide away forever.<br />
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I come home close to the brink of tears most days because humanity is so disappointing. My soul is weary, my heart is discouraged. I can't help but just hungrily seek God's face for answers, for hope, for promises. I always find it and I go to bed with hope in my heart for the next morning ready to face this misshapen world. But the next day comes and a new batch of disappointment and frustration always ensues. The other day I went out for a sunset walk with my husband. We were only out there for maybe 45 minutes watching the colors displayed across the sky as the sun sank down below the horizon. I was a little sad that the sun set so quickly. I could have stared at those colors for hours. After the sun set, Jose and I headed home and I had a revelation!<br />
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What I didn't tell you about the previous day that my husband and I enjoyed the sunset was that it started out cold and rainy and was like that up until about an hour before I left work.<br />
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So back to my revelation. As disappointed as I was that the sun had set too quickly for my liking, I realized how much worse it could have been. The day started out ugly, but I was rewarded with a beautiful sunset. It was my hope, my sign that no matter how ugly things are around me, there is always goodness and beauty to be found. It might be small and but for a fleeting moment, but it's there nonetheless. I mustn't become so consumed by all of the bad that I overlook the good, then it would be my fault that I remained disheartened.<br />
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I do realize that there is good to be found everywhere, it is just hidden but in the most obvious places. A smile from a passing stranger. A heart to heart over lunch and realizing you have more in common with someone than you thought. A phone call at your job from someone you've never met in person saying a sincere thank you for a job well done. A gripping goodbye hug from someone you've only ever talked to twice, but the hug made you feel like you've known them forever. An, "I love you beautiful" from your spouse as he takes you to work and drops you off at 7:30 in the morning. A promise from God in the Bible, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." <b>Hebrews 13:5<b></b></b>
A beautiful sunset after an ugly day.<br />
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These are all of the good things in my own life to name a few. I take these moments and I tuck them away in my heart to keep me going when I feel the world has trodden on me one too many times. But in order to see these things, I have to LOOK, take the time, remove SELF from the picture. Because it's not about me, it's about everyone else around me who is also discouraged. (How can you live in this world and not be?)How can I be their little bit of good? How can God use me to make a difference? You see, that smile I got from a passing stranger, it's because I smiled first and it was returned. That person I had lunch with and found out we had a lot in common, I opened myself up, and they reciprocated.
You have to give what you want to recieve. It isn't always going to be returned, but 99% of the time it is. If you want a friend, go and be a friend. If you want love, go and give love. You HAVE to be the change you want to see in the world even if it is just one smile at a time.<br />
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<b>The sunset from our walk. See the angel in the clouds? Isn't God wonderful?</b><br />
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-58306280804968827552014-08-08T13:25:00.000-07:002014-08-08T13:37:23.398-07:00Just wait...wait, what?At the end of every week I do my "self-evaluations." I think about everything that has happened during the week, the conversations I've had with people, the things I've been worrying about but have been too tired to really think about and assess, the impressions people have made on me, and the lessons that I have learned. I do this because I want to always be a better person in every way I can. My husband, is my inspiration.<br />
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Great things have been happening for me this year, but I have been feeling like I'm leaving my husband in my shadow at times as he is the one getting the short end of the stick. I have conveyed this to him, but all he keeps telling me is how proud of me he is, and that God will open doors for him when it's time. He has so much faith. He makes me want to have that much faith. Here recently though, I have been more angry and impatient than I usually am. Angry because I see bad people hurting my husband and him getting the shaft and I must sit here and helplessly let it happen. Again, I communicate my frustrations to my beloved and he always just tells me "pray mamacita, just pray."<br />
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So today as I got out of the car and my heart drove away to work, I go into the house and have a conversation with God. It goes a little something like this. ME:<i> "Hey God, it's me again. You know I'm really tired of all of this (this meaning Jose's situation), I hate not knowing, I feel like I'm walking in the dark and it sucks!" </i>You can imagine my surprise when I heard him talk back. It went a little something like this, GOD:<i> "Why are you walking in the dark, when I am your light?" "Quit walking and just wait." </i>ME: <i>"Um, what??" "Wait?""But I DON'T WANNA! "Do you not see that this is a time sensitive situation here God?" "My very marriage depends on the outcome, I need you to do something now!" </i>GOD: "<i>Wait"</i><br />
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And that was the end of that conversation, although not the end of my internal struggle. So I continued moping around thinking of how I would like to handle the situation if I could and how I wish I could tell some people a thing or two if I had it my way! But I kept hearing God tell me to wait, then my favorite Bible verse popped into my head.<br />
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<b><span style="background-color: ; color: purple; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text Isa-40-29" id="en-NKJV-18450" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">He gives power to the weak,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-29" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">And to <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">those who have</i> no might He increases strength.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-30" id="en-NKJV-18451" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">30 </span>Even the youths shall faint and be weary,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-30" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">And the young men shall utterly fall,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-31" id="en-NKJV-18452" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">31 </span>But those who wait on the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-31" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">Shall renew <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">their</i> strength;</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-31" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">They shall mount up with wings like eagles,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-31" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">They shall run and not be weary,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;" /><span class="text Isa-40-31" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;">They shall walk and not faint.</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color:; line-height: 24px;">And it got me to thinking even more. (When you spend as much time alone as I do, you have A LOT of time to think) The weary will soar with wings like eagles, but how can you soar when you are weary? How can you walk and not faint? Because God said WAIT! WAIT on me, and when the time comes you will have the strength to soar! You will have the strength to walk, I will RENEW you while you wait! (I can't believe it has taken me THIS long to come to this realization) </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: ; line-height: 24px;">BAM! All anger was evaporated in that very minute of epiphany. If I keep my mind running with worry and scenarios that could happen, but might not ever happen, I make my soul weary. So when God says it's time to soar, I will be left behind watching my husband soar and I will stand there ashamed and broken down because I didn't WAIT. I didn't trust God enough to know his plans are bigger than my plans. I should know this by now. Waiting seems to be the theme of my very existence. Story of my life. So, wait I shall. Patiently, </span><span style="background-color: ; line-height: 24px;">for as long as it takes. Being renewed in mind, body, and spirit. Because I stand on his promise, in his peace, with hope and faith, until he calls me to fly.</span></span><br />
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-70773172459914160072014-08-01T11:47:00.001-07:002014-08-08T13:38:39.489-07:00One Day At A Time.So just a preface for those reading. This post is going to be a little deep, so if you want a cheerful happy go lucky post, this isn't it. Maybe it's more for me than it is for anyone else....I don't know. All I know is I have to write.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>SO HERE GOES NOTHING.....</b></span><br />
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I sit here nervously writing this, contemplating whether or not I should bare my soul like this. Being vulnerable, not really my thing. But I must move forward, I must grow.<br />
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(I have hit the backspace key about 100 times right now) Is it hot in here? Phew, ok here goes nothing for real this time!<br />
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My entire life I have struggled with depression. The technical word for my case is called dysthymia.<br />
I was abandoned by my mother when I was born, used as a scapegoat by my family, lied to and used for a check that came in the mail once a month. My life has been anything but easy. I was confined to my room for most of my life only to be let out of my room during holidays and when any family came in from out of town. I used to think it was because I did something good. But after they left, back to my room I was sent. I didn't realize until I was older, (by the confirming from my out of town relatives) that my mom only did this so our relatives wouldn't see how awful she treated me. I was even locked in a closet when I was bad and I wasn't even 5 years old. I remember that and being locked in the bathroom in the dark (I used to be afraid of the toilet) and as punishment (again I wasn't even 5 years old) my mom locked me in the dark bathroom. There's so much more, but I don't have the time to write it all out...wouldn't do me any good anyway.<br />
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So, depression. It's a struggle. The hardest struggle I've ever had to go through. It comes out of the blue, it feels like someone takes over my mind and fills it with my past. The usual, you're a failure...your past is proof. You can't even be loved by your own flesh and blood. You can't even hold a marriage together (my first marriage with Tim, failed) you have no friends, you have no family, you are completely and utterly alone, useless, and it wouldn't even make a difference if you weren't here anymore.<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Those are the thoughts that run through my head for no reason at all.</span> And as hard as I try, I cannot escape them, after all they're right! But, I forget, there are always two sides to everything. The good AND the bad.<br />
When my depression lifts (usually after a few days) I see the world through my Jesus's eyes. I was put on this earth for a purpose. So what if my family doesn't give two hoots about me! I have my husband who is my best friend, and his best friend (who shall remain nameless) who I have adopted into my heart as my brother, and they are all the family that I will ever need. They know that dark side of me, yet they love me unconditionally and vice versa. My first marriage didn't fail, it led me to my soul mate. Without Tim, I never would have moved to England, and I never would have found Jose. Failure, would have been to stay with someone who abused me, belittled me, was unfaithful to me the entire time we were married, starved me, (I got down to 90lbs) convinced me that I was nothing but a sex object for him to use whenever he wanted, even if I said no. I didn't fail, I found the strength to say enough is enough, I found the strength to walk away even if it meant into nothing. Having nothing (literally, I left ALL of my possessions behind) was so much better than living in hell.<br />
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And yes, I have friends. I may only be able to count them on one hand and see them at work, but they are the people who really care about me. The ones I look forward to seeing and laughing with every day. We don't hang out at all, but they show me they care in the little ways and that's all I ever wanted in a friend. (Ladies, if you read this I truly love you all from the very bottom of my heart. You save me in ways you will never know).<br />
Now comes, the hard part. I am alone. I work days, Jose works nights. I have the weekends off, Jose works the weekends and has two days off during the week. I come home from work to an empty house, I go to bed alone. The weekends are long and the nights suck!!! I struggle with being alone. That's when the depressing voices start and into depression I sink.<br />
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Lately, I've been in a funk that has taken a while to get out of. My husband, being the understanding and wonderful man he is, let's me know everyday that he is praying for me and he loves me and he hopes that that will always be enough reason to fight this depression that overwhelms me at times. Well, it always is.<br />
I came home today to a list of Bible verses my husband had written down for me. I looked them up, and as I got further and further down the list, I started hungrily searching for these verses he had written down. Each one, quenched my hunger and lifted me out of my depression. Finally, able to breath, I just sat on my couch and I cried...the kind of cry that just sounds like a wail, hardly any tears were shed really. I didn't know what else to do, but cry out to my Heavenly Father and say his name over and over until I was too weak to speak anymore.<br />
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I wept, out of shame, pain, relief, joy, and faith. Until finally he revealed to me, I am not alone. I am set apart! I am different because I have a purpose, a calling. I don't have many friends because I am SET APART! I AM NOT ALONE! I can't get over how wonderful I feel right now. I am amazed at how wonderful my FATHER is and how he works through my husband to get to me. Gracias a Dios! Praise God, Praise God, Praise God. <span style="color: #38761d;">I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!</span> Jose will always be Mi Angelito (my angel). always leading me back to my first love, to <span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">OUR</span><span style="background-color: ;"> first love. </span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: ;"><b>Love is God, God is love!</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: ;">I know my battle with depression will always be a lifelong battle, but thank God I am clothed in the armor of God. My feet are sodden with his word, and his promises for my life, to keep me pressing forward one step, one day at a time.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: ;"><br /></span>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-23824610237549361332014-07-17T12:58:00.001-07:002014-08-08T13:38:58.057-07:00Perception vs RealityThis past weekend Jose and I went to London and toured the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum. It was so much fun. We saw things that intrigued us, made us a little squeamish, made us laugh, and things that we wouldn't have believed had we not been looking at it with our own eyes.<br>
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<span style="color: blue;">Found this little fact on a table cloth. TN REPRESENT!</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">King Henry VIII's shoe! I'm related to this guy too!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000;">A portrait of John F Kennedy made entirely out of butterflies. Weird but cool.</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMyg184pe-Mzo-Rj0MIVn7UhrIops0X-Mu6qV70vtzOXV3K8ivIv37CPLxU8OcR2HAxPACXeJxVvXoZ9naGKI4bW0kgJzmJpdo8vet2wANQhPx1TMr8v12o-3c8hTzySxJjHt-fUDLYfXT/s1600/IMG_0276.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMyg184pe-Mzo-Rj0MIVn7UhrIops0X-Mu6qV70vtzOXV3K8ivIv37CPLxU8OcR2HAxPACXeJxVvXoZ9naGKI4bW0kgJzmJpdo8vet2wANQhPx1TMr8v12o-3c8hTzySxJjHt-fUDLYfXT/s1600/IMG_0276.JPG" height="320" width="240"></a></div>
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Those are just some of the cool things that we saw. We also came across something very eye opening and humbling believe it or not. Which brings me to my main focus.</div>
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Ever hear the saying, "The grass is greener on the other side." I'm sure many of you have even thought it many times. I know I certainly have. You come across people and circumstances that <i>seem</i> so much greater than what you have. You envy those people and start hating your own life. I've been there, but I have learned that some people's grass only looks greener because they've laid down fake grass (turf) on top of their own very dry deserts. They want you to envy them because that's how they justify lying to themselves.</div>
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This weekend I was reminded that it's not how green my grass is, it's that my grass has roots and though at times it may <i>appear</i> a bit brown from the harshness of the sun, if I look closer I can see that it still has life to it. More life than what I see on the surface, it's still growing... brown tips and all.</div>
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In the museum this weekend, Jose and I saw a video of two individuals that knew the meaning of LIFE! But what humbled me was the fact that these two men were in the Ripley's Museum. Both people were born with only their torso's, no legs, no hips, just their torso. In the videos it showed these individuals achieving greatness DESPITE their circumstances. It made me sad, not for them, but for humanity. How is it that people who have so much less than most are the ones that really live life to the absolute fullest? Why are we not ALL doing this? Why do people have to be born without torso's to be recognized as acceptional, or inspiring?</div>
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It's because we<i> think</i> the grass is greener on the other side. We are always comparing our lives with those around us. And it makes us unhappy. It prevents us from being who we were born to be, loving how we were created to love, taking risks that have great rewards, fighting for what we know is right, speaking what we know is true. We are afraid of what other people might think, we are too lazy to put in the effort, it's so much easier to just look over the fence and envy our neighbors grass and complain to them how your own grass just won't seem to grow. </div>
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The problem is, it's not really the grass that is dead, it's us. We allow our unhappiness, fear, pride, and envy to consume who we are. To creep up in our minds and lives and take over all that we were born to be. Your neighbor with that fake green grass? They feed off of your misery. They take you away from your own grass that you should be tending to and caring for, and they convince you that their grass is so much better. But it never is. It never is, because it's not real grass, it has no roots, no life, no purpose. It just <i>looks </i>pretty. </div>
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My challenge to you today is to get rid of the negative people and things in your life. The people that suck you dry and put doubt in your mind. The ones that say their marriages are perfect,but they have someone on the side , their bank accounts are over flowing with money, but they can't seem to buy that one thing to fill that hole in their heart, their cars are top of the line yet they drive alone, their jobs that pay more than yours but take them away from their family, their houses that have more rooms than a hotel, yet they never can call it home, their grass that is emerald green but it's not real....those are the people that slowly suck the life out of you. </div>
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Instead, keep your nose on your side of the fence and water your grass. Don't abandon it because it looks dead on top, it just needs a little TLC to make it green again. Live YOUR life the way you were destined to. Conquer something great every day. Speak only words of kindness and truth to those around you. Surround yourself with people who give you joy, people who give you water to help your grass grow. Life is too short to live vicariously through other people. They want you to live through them, because they can't live with themselves. </div>
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I am living proof that the grass is greener where you water it.</div>
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Ask yourself this one question, What would you do if you weren't afraid? Answer it, now go do it. It's as easy as that, <i>Believe It or Not!</i> </div>
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-88880506472029226102014-06-24T11:37:00.000-07:002014-08-08T13:40:48.762-07:00Growing Pains<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: ; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First off let me start by saying that I am the type of person that does "self evaluations" on myself constantly. I look for ways to improve who I am. Sometimes I learn the hard and painful way, sometimes I learn from watching other people, and sometimes I have people who come into my life that inspire me to no end. My enemies are the ones I watch. The ones that attack me for no reason and try to bring me down to their level. They teach me more about love than my actual friends. Because they are the ones that need it the most. I always feel sorry for those types of people, because it has to be a lonely world they live in hating themselves so much that they feel the need to destroy those around them just so they won't be lonely. Those are the ones that I never want to be like and in my "self evaluations" I am always asking myself my motives behind the negative and hurtful thoughts and words that I have. All because my enemies have shown me who I never want to become.</span><br />
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My family, now there's a complicated one. My family has given me good memories. Mostly bad, but the few good ones I have, I cling to them for hope every single day. It used to hurt me to think about them, about all of the good times. I would always wonder what happened to make us all hate each other. Where did our love for each other go? I would cry myself to sleep remembering all of the great times we used to have and wishing with all of my heart that we could be a family again. Sadly, this might not ever be because it never really was. I was just young and naive and any attention they gave to me, I saw that as a good memory even if it wasn't real. This is all another story for another time, so I will get to my point. My family has taught me how to be independent, how to not judge others so harshly just because they sin differently than I do. They've taught me loyalty, honesty, integrity, love, and most importantly they are the reason I know and love God the way I do. But they didn't teach me in the way you might think. I just watched them when they didn't know I was watching, I listened when they didn't know I could hear, It was in those moments I realized who I had to strive to never ever become. Lesson learned? God can always bring beauty from ashes. I am living proof. </span><br />
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Now on to my friends. Although I barely have just a handful, the ones I do have, have helped me grow as a person in more ways than I can count. They have shared their gifts of laughter, music, uninhibitidness (I don't think that's even a word, but just roll with it), honesty, and unconditional love with me. Some have and still inspire me on a weekly basis with their strength and wisdom. And some inspire me with their courage to just be happy no matter what others think of how they are living their life. They have shown me the beauty in the small things. The healing powers of laughter, the emotion stirring powers of music, my extreme love for the game of UNO, and the soul cleansing power of a good cry. Even if it is for no reason at all. My friends are my family. My friends are my reminder to stop taking life so seriously. And my friends are my constant in this ever changing world.</span><br />
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Last but not least, Mi Amor. My love, my heart, my very best friend. Jose Luis Garcia. The man that completely turned my world upside down and showed me that love is the best healer of all. He forced me (unknowingly) to be honest with myself. He challenges me to grow in God every day. He has shown me that I am stronger than I think I am. And he has inspired me to forgive. It has been a painful (for me) road at times to endure the truths that were always in my heart, but I was too scared to see because I wanted to be ignorant instead of feel the pain of the truth. But in my self discovery, Jose has been there the entire way. Helping me grow, helping me cope with the pain of my past, understanding when I wasn't ready to forgive, but rejoicing with me when I finally did. He keeps me on my toes with his quick wit, and he keeps me young with his innocent heart. Simply put, he is my everything.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><b style="color: red;">LOVE IS...GROWING PAINS.</b> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have to love yourself enough to know you don't want to be like your enemies. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: ; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have to love yourself in order to be strong enough to be REAL in a very fake world.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: ; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have to love yourself enough to face the truth, even though it hurts, you know that it will help you more than the hurt.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: ; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But lastly, you have to love yourself enough to accept the kind of love you deserve. The kind that you were created for. The kind of love that Jesus died on the cross to give to all of us. The kind of love that inspires and transforms you into someone that you never knew you had the courage to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The kind of love that only comes from growing pains.</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4c9DCeRogPDkNmPDwx7Df9X2TMHxJpfB19uuNrmXYsJUFLYV7MTW4vfH8pFG5NaVdJMQupJFqFkarYIvpk6TPzj2jO0mJEPuCRg38JlWsJPhFtKwr4toVJFkRmPoNqLCRSgr3rbmWD8Tb/s1600/b4a31efba8507939ec144dddbc00ba0a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4c9DCeRogPDkNmPDwx7Df9X2TMHxJpfB19uuNrmXYsJUFLYV7MTW4vfH8pFG5NaVdJMQupJFqFkarYIvpk6TPzj2jO0mJEPuCRg38JlWsJPhFtKwr4toVJFkRmPoNqLCRSgr3rbmWD8Tb/s640/b4a31efba8507939ec144dddbc00ba0a.jpg"> </a> </div>Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434202052821038642.post-2926036832775563722014-06-21T11:56:00.001-07:002014-08-08T13:39:15.892-07:00All You Need Is Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am someone that wears their heart on their sleeve 80% of the time. It's something that I wish I didn't do, but I am learning to slowly embrace it. I cry when I see other people cry. And I don't hesitate to tell people what I think when they try to do me wrong. I am by nature an empathetic person. Oddly enough though, I am really good at hiding my weaknesses. With all of that being said, this year, I have come across people that make me want to shut down inside so that I never show any emotions at all. I keep thinking they're not good enough to be let in. They don't deserve to get to know my story. Pretty haughty right? <div>
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It seems though, that God will not allow me to be that way and he wants me to be my empathetic, vulnerable self. Everytime I have come across these people and I shut down, I notice I begin to judge them and I begin to find all of their flaws and characterize them as a bad person. And everytime, I am always put in my place, humbled to the point of embarrassment and tears. One such example. I have an aquaintance that has been doing horrible horrible things. It seemed as if they didn't even try to hide what they were doing, but they always lied about it and tried to cover it up in ways that made me furious!! So I judged them and classified them as a bad person and I was cruel to them when they tried to say hi to me. All because I didn't agree with what they were doing.</div>
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One night this past week I was sitting far far away from this person when they came walking toward where I was sitting and took a seat across from me. I immediately put my wall up and we had some awkward and sparse conversation. That was until they came right out and told me their secret. As they were talking to me, I was watching this person's face and I saw them in a different light. I saw pain instead of the monster that I had built them up to be in my head. And as I was listening and observing, I was reminded of all the times I had made mistakes in my life, all of the times that I was rebellious , all of the times that I let people down because I was selfish. </div>
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I saw so much of myself in this person sitting across from me pouring their heart out, wanting support and advice. I was humbled and embarrassed at myself for being so judgemental. How dare I! So me, wearing my heart on my sleeve, told them that I already knew everything but I am not here to judge and I shared with them one of my stories from my past when I too messed up. I didn't want them to have to go down that road alone like I did. I realized that in my judgement, I failed to see this person's pain behind their actions.I confessed to this person that I had judged them and I apologized and asked for forgiveness. </div>
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It's funny how things work if we are only willing to be honest with ourselves. It's amazing the things we learn about ourselves as well by putting our pride aside and being vulnerable. That night, I learned that the entire time I had been building this person up in my head as a monster, the real monster was me.</div>
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THIS is why I am learning to embrace the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am learning that it is ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to admit when I'm wrong, it's ok to say I'm sorry. By keeping my walls down, I learn to accept the fact that I am not perfect and I shouldn't expect other people to be perfect either</div>
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<b style="color: red;">LOVE IS....HONEST</b>.</div>
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In my case it's being honest with myself. Even if that means admitting I was wrong. Again, lesson learned. It's not always about what we see with our eyes. If we just open up our hearts, we will see that everyone out there is hurting and when they do bad things, they are just reaching out for help. And all it takes is that one person to just love them to change their entire life around. </div>
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Like the Beatles once said. <span style="color: purple;"><b>"All You Need Is Love, Love Is All You Need"</b></span></div>
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Melissa Garciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527725785591898969noreply@blogger.com0