Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Taking a leap of faith.


No I'm not pregnant. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not having children. Or should I say I don't PLAN on having children. But this is another story for another time. Now ahem,.................


Yea yea I know what you're saying, *gasp* *you're crazy* *why would you leave such a well paying job* *you don't plan on having children, how could you* <-----------  wait, I said that's another story for another time.....moving on.

Now please understand, I'm not writing this to bash anyone, however I am going to bring to light what was kept in the darkness and that darkness turned into shadows, and those shadows were starting to take over my mind, and my mind drove me crazy! So really this is just my story of how I freed myself from the shadows.

Once upon a time, woops, wrong story. 

A lot of you, (the entire 2 people that will actually read this, I know I know, that's a lot of fans, I'll try to remain humble about it) know how unhappy I was at my job.
So unhappy that I had anxiety attacks in the mornings, I had nightmares about work weekly, I couldn't enjoy my weekends because I would dread going back to work on Monday, but most importantly I started to become someone that I didn't like. I came home grumpy all the time. I complained about the same stuff, the same people over and over. Until one day Jose and I had a heart to heart and he revealed to me that I was so bitter and complained so much that he could no longer look at my face when I talked to him. (WAIT, HEAR ME OUT!) He said that he didn't want to look at me when I was so bitter because it would ruin the image in his heart of who I really was. (not bitter and complaining). That really hurt, but only because it was the truth.
I didn't get mad at Jose for telling me this. Instead I started to cry because he was spot on correct!
I hate hurting my husband or disappointing him in any way. It physically hurts me and I would rather sit in a room full of spiders than hurt him.

So I did what any wife would do that just got smacked in the face with the cold hard truth, I worked on it. The more I worked on it, the more I knew I was in the wrong place, surrounded by the most -evil, self -centered, overpaid, entitled, scheming, gossiping, spoiled people I've ever met in my entire life and I was borderline becoming one of them. That's why the truth hurt so much, because I was becoming the very thing I despised. (Mama K, your words are still with me to this day) All the signs were there for me to leave, but I stayed so long for the money, because I thought I would get the respect I deserved for working twice as hard as my boss and my co workers, I thought it would get better once this person left, and that person left, I thought that all of the good that I stood for and the morals I had, and the positive attitude I tried to keep, would make a difference somehow. I thought wrong.

Truth is, God wanted me out of there a long time ago. I was just too stubborn to pay attention. All of my life I have followed my heart and paid attention to the subtle signs God sent to me. I don't know why NOW I didn't listen. But it got to a point a couple of weeks ago that my boss pretty much told me it didn't matter that I had been there two years or that I was the highest ranking (bleh, I hate using rank) person in the office. She was going to give credit for all of my hard work to my other co workers. So I applied for a job off base, got an interview, and was hired on the spot. After that I did what any normal person would do I quit my job at HRO on the spot. No two weeks, no notice, just quit. I'm pretty sure my boss isn't going to pay me for last pay period, yea that's how the office works, scheming and plotting against everyone that might stand up for themselves and not play their silly games. (there is so much illegal stuff going on that I know about, it's not even funny).

My point is, God took care of me when I decided to listen to him. Yea I took a pay cut, but I still make enough to pay my bills. Yea, no one has contacted me after I "disappeared" but that just shows me I was right about them being the way they are and that I'm better off without them. And yea, I clean rich people's houses for a living now. Some might see that as degrading, or a menial job. But I'm happy, I'm free, I'm not stressed, (how can you be when you are in clean mode all day?) And I don't have to wake up two hours early to put on my best outfit, do my makeup just right, and wear my hair to perfection, just to please someone that I don't like by pretending to be someone I'm not.

If you take away nothing from this post, please just remember these things, in no particular order;

  • Money doesn't make you happy. Being true to who you are does.
  • When making decisions just know that God's got you. Always has, always will. You just have to know what's important in life and what isn't, after that, the decision kind of makes itself.
  • And if you're unhappy, CHANGE IT PRAY about it, yes. But don't COMPLAIN unless you're willing to make a CHANGE!