One particular memory stands out for me at this very moment in my life though. We gathered in the "kitchen" area to do a drama for some folks that had stopped by to be fed, physically and spiritually, when mama K asked me to share a word for these people. I had literally 10 minutes to prepare and I was scared. But I obeyed because I knew she wouldn't have asked me if God had not asked her first.
So I said God, what am I supposed to say to these people who have lost all hope in life? Who don't know where their next meal will come from, nor do they know where they will sleep tonight. So I ran up to my room and tore open my bible, going through all the scriptures I knew of, NOTHING came to me. I was starting to panic! But then a bookmark fell out of my bible (out of the millions of bookmarks I had in my bible, this one fell out at this moment). It was a graduation gift I got, funnily enough.
I took one look at it and I heard God say THIS is what I want you to speak to these people! So I thanked God for speaking to me and rushed downstairs. I was still scared, but I knew God would give me the words to say and he did. I don't remember what I said, but I will never forget God speaking to me.
This memory came to mind today because I am struggling with my job. I'm struggling with my co worker who doesn't believe in God and is letting the enemy use her to come against me in every way possible. I have anxiety everyday that I have to go to work wondering what will she do to me today? In a constant battle not to burst into tears at the end of a very long day, sometimes even before I open up my email at 7:30 in the a.m. I have anxiety so bad that I am sick to my stomach most mornings.
I have been praying so hard for God to give me a new job, but with no degree or experience, I am stuck. I have been in constant prayer, I've prayed over this lady's desk, I've laid hands on her chair, I've rebuked the devil every morning before I go into work, NOTHING. I have come to a point of just giving up. So I came home today, sick with anxiety and exhaustion and I got out my bible and I prayed harder than ever over this lady. I rebuked the devil so loud, I'm sure my neighbors thought I was a crazy woman.
After I was done I was reading a book my brother got for me and I came across this very same scripture (see above picture) A peace came over me, as I was reminded of how I was desperately searching for something to say, and God took over with a simple bookmark that fell out of my bible 10 years ago. Who knows if what I said that day to those people ever made a difference, all I know is that I was obedient and now I must be obedient again and remain steadfast in my faith and in his promise, the very same one he had me tell those people about back then, holds very true to my circumstances now.
I don't know where God wants me in the long run. I don't even know if things will change where I am at, but I do know this is just a stepping stone for me. This job is not where God wants me to remain.
Please pray for me as I go TDY to San Antonio in two weeks for training for my job. (Ironically enough, the headquarters for Human Resources is located in San Antonio;it's also Jose's home town) and who knows, maybe God will open a door there for me, or at least plant a seed for something for the future. I don't know, but I do know God is Sovereign. His plans are to give me hope not anxiety..I will keep following that promise until I get to where I am supposed to be.