Friday, 30 June 2017

Reflections on turning 30

Today is the last day in my twenties. And honestly, I'm absolutely ecstatic to turn 30 tomorrow. I had been going back and forth between how I felt about it because I'm not where I thought I would be at 30. But I can definitely see just how far I really have come. (That may or may not be an ironic metaphor to the fact that I literally live an entire continent away now). I wanted to make this blog a good one, one that shows how "wise" I've become and to really justify some of those grey hairs on the top of my head. But in order to do that, I must tell you the driving factor behind my "wisdom" (I put the word wisdom in quotes because I'm only gonna be 30, what in tarnation do I REALLY know about life?)

Today I'm going to dedicate this blog to you my Beloved. The driving force in everything I do and all that I am. You are the reason I celebrate every day. Here's a few things you've taught me about love and how you've changed my very perspective on life itself.

 You've shown me that life isn't about ME, it's about everyone else around us. Those everyday people that we encounter and interact with, God has them in our lives for a specific reason. And more often than not it's the people that hurt us deeper than our hearts can sometimes bear, that need our love the absolute most.
 You've proven to me that love has the amazing power to heal from the inside out until you can no longer contain the flame and light that has engulfed your heart, so you freely radiate it outward and share it with those whose hearts' flame has long since been distinguished by bitterness, pain, guilt, regret, grief, and anger.
 When my hair is all wrong and my face is full of face demons, and my thick thighs that finally make me look like a woman instead of a little girl, but all I see is that I can't fit into my jeans as well as I used to; you take all of that and you give me the courage to look at everything I see as a flaw on my body as something beautiful to you instead.
 You've changed my entire perspective about life, about happiness, about me. I never feel more confident and truly beautiful than when I look at myself through your eyes.
 You help me to cherish the little moments. You are the reason behind this blog's name, and the very center of every single entry. You are always a part of my daily thoughts and activities, and I look for those given moments that you plant in my heart to make an impact.
 You never let me leave the house or go about my day without giving me the peace of mind that I am enough. Maybe not to everyone around me, but to you. To say that I am not enough, would be to say you are not enough to fill my heart with enoughness. (don't know if that's a word, but it is today)
And if I am anything less than enough in someone's heart, then I must fill the rest of their hearts with the love you've shared with me until LOVE becomes enough...not until I become enough.
 I love that you notice my love for bright colors and when I bought some plain white socks, you told me I had to wear my colorful socks over them because it's not "me" to wear something so void of color.
I love that you can look at me and read my thoughts and I can look at you and see the response in your face if I'm thinking anything negative.
 You really do give the best hugs.
 You have the heart of a servant. And it's contagious.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   You're grounded and stand firm in who you are at all times. I've never in all of my life, and I mean never, have I met anyone who knew who they were and not betray themselves in the throes of pain and hard times. (you inspire me to grow in this area) People fill their lives with alcohol, the latest trends, social media, affairs, lust, dishonesty, and deceit because they are not firmly planted and their roots are not strong enough to hold them down when storms pass their way.
Your faith and relationship with God. You always keep him first in your life and in our relationship. I love seeing your face when God does a big work in your heart or when he reveals tiny tidbits of wisdom to your heart. You've helped me to see God as someone who is truly a friend and not this giant judge sitting in the helped me to see it because I see him in you....all the things I listed above about the things you have taught me, they are things that God has been teaching me as well...through you. You've allowed him to use you, and take control of everything in your life. Less of you, more of him. And in turn brought me closer to God.
I've said all of that to say this. I know you've had to watch me struggle internally about turning 30. And thanks to you and all the things above, I'm excited to continue this adventure of love with you. So tomorrow, (Si Dios Quiere) when I wake up, and as I look at my reflection, I'm going to smile and know that I am enough for you, because your love is and always has been enough for me.

After all, you are my mirror.


P.s. this was NOT posted or shared anywhere for the world to see. So if anyone does get to read it besides you (Jose) then they were meant to find love and I hope they get a small glimpse of why I fall in love with you on a daily basis.
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