Saturday, 25 July 2015

Cloudy Days and Sunset Rays

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."
-Rabrindranath Tagore

Today I woke up with hope. I looked out the window and it was a beautiful morning. I told myself, today is going to be a good day. But as the day wore on the sky quickly changed from beautiful and warm, to dark black clouds and a strong chilly wind. Along with it, so changed my mood. I was feeling depressed, hopeless, and numb. A continuation of my yesterday that I had hoped I could have slept off and started fresh. It wasn't so. After I cleaned the house, I crawled my depressed butt back into bed, I planned on staying there until I woke up tomorrow. 
But like he always does, God had other plans. I was just about to doze off when my husband came in and asked me to take a walk with him. So I begrudgingly did. After our walk we went out to eat some chinese and I told him a bit of how I was feeling. He asked me questions and he let me just talk. It really did help, but not quite enough to get me back to my normal self. I still had plans to come home after dinner and crawl into bed until morning.
As we were driving home, the sun was setting and it was beautiful. So I went upstairs to take a picture and to just stare in awe at the beautiful sky, when God spoke to me. He said, "can't you see without the clouds the sunset would not be as beautiful." And I, as always, was humbled. The dark clouds were still in the sky nearest me as they had been throughout the day. But in the distance where the sun was, the clouds lit up with colors from the sun despite them being so dark just moments before. Had I gone straight to bed like I had planned, I never would have heard God speak to me and I wouldn't be writing this blog for you to read.
Today was a bad day for me depression wise. It's been a bad month to be honest with you. But throughout all of it, God has always been there.  I hold on to my faith knowing that God WILL help me through it and when I finally emerge from my dark place, my "sunset" is always beautiful. I know I will always struggle with depression, there is no escaping this awful disease. But I refuse to become a victim of it and I fight every single day to not let it swallow me whole. I am a better person because of my dark clouds. I see things on a deeper level because of my depression. I can appreciate my good days more than the people that have only good days. I can empathize with people who also struggle with depression and in turn, find friendships that I never expected to happen. I can share my story of strength, and I can know the power of a simple smile and a hug. 
Maybe that's why I love sunsets so much. I feel so much peace in knowing that they are always God's sign to me that he is still there, and he is showing me his love and his promises even though I am in a very dark place. 
If you struggle with depression, come find me. We can watch the sunset together knowing that tomorrow will bring a new day, with new hopes and new revelations waiting to be discovered. We just have to take the time to be still and listen. 

My sunset, My promise, My hope in the MIDST of my dark clouds.
Thank you Father.